Flirting Do Nots

It’s very possible that being awkward at flirting is sometimes charming, more often than not, it won’t be.

Awkward is very different from the “Aw Shucks” approach – the best example is early Matthew McConaughey movies.  Personally, I find the aw shucks approach distasteful with very insincere undertones. I think that’s because it feels like the sale technique of bait and switch.

While the lesson is that there is no style or line that will work on all people in all situations, there are several behaviours that are more likely deal breakers no matter what style of flirting you develop:

• Flirting is not a one-shot deal. Try, try again! Flirting is not a “Do or Die” scenario, but measured in degrees of success. Maybe you got turned down, but got so far as to buy the drink. Maybe you got a dance with the girl…But maybe pick someone else to flirt with. It’s not the case that if at first you don’t succeed that you’re done for the night. You are really just warming up.
  
• Talking too much is a sure sign that you aren’t listening. Being listened to, really paid attention to listening – not the so called “active listening” *  – is a very attractive quality, because really, we are all out there trying to meet someone that we can really connect to. Being listened to is the measurement of connections.
  
• Don’t follow people around or act needy. No one likes a stalker. Well, for any length of time, anyway. It’s not what anyone would consider a long term attractive quality form much more than Ms Right Now.
  
• Don’t be insincere.In many of life’s arenas, you must be able to fake sincerity. Certainly being sincere is optimal and faking sincerity in non-flirting situations may be good enough, but not so much in dating and mating. Just be honest in what your interest level is. Don’t pretend you’re looking for That Special One to enjoy movies and walks on the beach with, if you’re not. Be clear to yourself what you’re looking for in terms of person and whether it’s one night or are you open to something more substantial or longer?
• Your job, car, how many other women you’ve slept with or your inflated ego is not an aphrodisiac. Showing more interest in HER achievements than your own is a turn-on that is closely related to listening. It’s important enough to mention twice.
  
• Nothing terminates encounters faster than a Terminator approach. Give others time to get to know you are a person not a “Come on Machine”. How attractive is “Ba-da bing Ba-da boom” to you?
• In the event that you get turned down, exit gracefully. There is no need to be nasty, even if your intended is less than kind in turning your generous offer of your fine self, don’t sink to a childish level.
  • A bow, a wave, a kiss on the hand, paying for a drink as an exit, might make her change her mind, or at least grow up a bit and treat the next unfortunate dyke to flirt with her better. Or maybe you will intrigue one of her pals.
• Everyone’s entitled to a bad day or off night, don’t make it worse, and don’t dwell on it either, sometimes it’s really not about you. Maybe you look or act like an ex of her’s – while maybe not insurmountable to a relationship, it does make getting one started harder. Probably better to try with someone who doesn’t have baggage with/about someone else that you’re going to have to carry.

Remember, you might end up dating a friend of hers, and then she’ll really regret having passed you up.

 

* Active Listening – is the act of focusing so much on the act of listening (nodding, encouraging yeah, uhhuhs and re-stating what they have said) that you’re not actually listening.