Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Posts tagged ‘touch’

I fancy a straight married woman

Q

We’ve spent weeks flirting with one another. She makes a point of coming to my
desk or touching me whenever we’re talking. She laughs at my jokes…and all I can
do is try to contain the pounding beat of my heart and not get too flustered.

My brain dries up to a prune and I (worst of all) start sweating. I know she’s straight
and married which means I can’t do anything about it, but the more she flirts with
me, the more I fancy her and the more flustered I get.

It’s got so I’m nervous of going into the office. I don’t think she notices that I’m nervous – I do a good cover up job with a sense of humour. It’s just beginning to wear me out. Trouble is, I’m not sure if I want her to stop, or encourage it to go one step further.

A

The straight and married isn’t necessarily the biggest problem – it’s the co-worker part.

PROBLEM ONE:

When any office romances go bad, it can be very bad.

Is she in a higher job position or are you? You must be aware of the
possibility of sexual harassment complaints. Does your company have a “no-frat”
policy? Would you be risking your job? Or hers?

How sure are you that she’s really flirting? Laughing at jokes and touching
your arm can just mean that she’s friendly and likes your sense of humour.

Does she know you’re a lesbian? Are you out at work? If you make a blatant
move on her, and she’s just being friendly, will she out you and are you going
to lose your job?

When was the last time you dated? Maybe what you need is a more
immediately attainable, less dangerous attraction. Then, you’ll be able to take
her flirting in stride.

She may not want to do more than what she is doing. She may be in the
coming out process herself, and not willing to do more than test the waters, with someone she thinks is safe. Or she may be oblivious to the effect she has on you.

A same sex office romance can go bad even worse than a het one, but it can be fun having sex in the bathroom and other places. Just decide if that forbidden thrill is worth the risk.

PROBLEM TWO

She’s married.

If you’re willing to be a discrete, short term, bit on the side, and you’re sure
the co-worker part isn’t going to explode in your face and destroy your
career, then, hey, you’re technically not the one cheating.

If you’re looking at her like she’s a possible Ms. Right, long term relationship.
Well, to be really blunt, she’s supposed to already be in one. With a man.

The trouble is: if she’s willing to cheat on him, what’s to stop her cheating on
you later? And maybe even….with another man….

Before you make any decisions, figure out what you want the end result to be
(say in five years – where are you and she working and who are the three of
you (you, her and her husband –are there children?) living with: her with
him or her with you or her and him & you and someone else?).

And then take the steps to make your longer term desired result happen.

Flirting Do’s

Flirt with no expectation of reward

Flirt just for fun, not to keep score or with a win/lose mentality.

Worst case, you hone some skills, practice new material – and if you are really doing it for fun – you get 15%* more attractive to the person you’re flirting with!

Ask specific, but open-ended questions

This demonstrates that you’re interested specifically in HER as a person,  and don’t watch her mouth move so you know when it’s your turn to talk.

Asking yes or no questions does not show interest or much humour or cleverness. Plus, it doesn’t get the girl talking; which you need to do to create an opportunity for the discussion to take a natural amorous turn.

“What do you think about  (some news story fraught with tension)…?” followed by  “Tell me your favorite way to relax.”

Look for humor in what she is saying, and laugh at her jokes if you find them funny. If you can’t make each other laugh – thank her for the conversation and move on.

Well, unless you’re just looking for Ms. Right Now – after all, the only thing standing between you and dates is fussy standards.

Be generous with sincere compliments.

Smile, smile, smile! Be friendly.

Being playful yet persistent, but back away gracefully if you keep getting rebuffed.

Show that you’re a vulnerable, real person, and not a “come on” machine.

Learn to dance. And like it.

Your body is speaking even when you are not. Be aware of what message you’re sending with your stances, your hands your facial expression and vocal tone.

Touch is a powerful communicator. Use touch sparingly and meaningfully  – to non-erogenous zones – and tons of eye contact. Remember, touch should be balanced between being invitational and being a bit daring.

But not stalker creepy.

Anyplace can be a meeting place.

Make where you are work for you. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing – there’s bound to be a gal with a common interest and that is a great conversation opener.

It’s especially important in Net Flirting (or Personal Ads or phone conversations) to use your vocabulary effectively. Remember that 90% of what people think about you comes from your appearance, but without that opportunity, the command of language is crucial.

Take the initiative: other women are shy too!

 

* Statistics are not verified scientifically and are wholly imaginary – but don’t let that stop you.

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