My mouth went dry. Not the thick saliva kind of dry that a cold glass of water would cut through, but the full mouth and throat dry that makes you think that your tongue will crack at any moment.
I didn’t mind it, really, until my knees began to shake. I knew I was a goner then because there you were, smiling at me.
I closed my eyes, trying to resist, pleading that you would be gone when I opened them. Please, just understand that I am weak. I opened one eye, just a tiny bit, but you were still there with that dazzling smile. And those blue eyes that I could lose my soul in. For just a heartbeat I thought you winked at me, but then I knew I was being foolish. Still, I had to get closer. Just be near you even if you couldn’t be mine. Maybe we could just pretend for a moment. Maybe.
I was close enough to touch you then. I swallowed to keep my heart from escaping through my throat. I drank you in with my eyes, not trusting myself to actually touch you. My scalp was hot and tingly, never a good sign. I run my dry tongue over my lips, I swallowed hard again and tried to get some relief for my aching throat.
My awareness of others around us was dimming. Frantically I looked around for a familiar, friendly face to pull me back from this brink, but your presence is too much, and my eyes are pulled back to you.
Your smile, once warm, seems like it’s mocking me now. I try to smile, but the tingling in my scalp has spread to my whole flesh, and now my clothes seem coarse and rough. I feel a thin sweat break out on my brow and between my shoulder blades. I feel feverish, and I can tell by the warmth in my cheeks that I am flushed. You always do that to me. Do you even know the strength of your power, how you can command my attention from across a room?
Summoning all my courage, and after glancing around to make sure we’re not being noticed, I touch your hand. Your smile never wavers.
I didn’t realise how your eyes would be even more blue this close to you. I mean, I knew they were blue, everyone knows that they’re blue. . . but I’m babbling now. But I said, I mean, I did say, I said I would be lost in your eyes.
Panicking now, I step away, I can’t be seen here, doing this, here with you. I move across the room.
I try to forget that you are just standing there, smiling at me. But I sneak a look back. I know, and you know, that I have come here to see you, to be near you and to pretend that you are mine.
And you are driving me wild with desire to have you, to have you in my home, to be with me always.
Another woman walks passed me with a too familiar look in her eyes. My heart flutters as I watch her make a beeline for you. Her hips move easily and I can see the bulge of her wallet in her back pocket. I can’t stand to loose you.
I approach the clerk and say hurriedly, “I’d like to buy the Xena Warrior Princess life-size cardboard cut out.”
I slip the clerk my visa card and smile, victorious.