Q: Flirting with people on the job

Q

Flirting with a lesbian cop. Bad idea or good idea?

A

Bad idea if she’s writing you a ticket at the time.

Bad idea if it’s in front of a group of other people or her cop partner.
They tend to be closet-y.

Good idea in all other cases. Cops should have dates too.

Sex is a great way to relieve tension, and she’ll have costumes and props for most
fantasy scenes. Bonus.

It’s a touch call to flirt with someone when they are working generally because, if it’s a retail kinda job they are trapped into being nice to customers, and if they work in uniform, then they are trying to be all  authoritarian and official, and it’s hard to switch modes.

Not hard in the right context, though.

Just be careful how you pick your moment.

And don’t assume because she’s a cop she’s a dyke. Straight women actually become cops too.

But what a thin blue line to cross….

Q: Newly Out and interested in older woman

Q

Look I really need any help and advice that anyone can give. I just recently had a
huge revelation with myself and figured it out that I was bi.. and now I am crushing
on a girl for the first time and I’m stuck on what I want to do.

I met this girl through work, and over the past year we’ve become good friends and
we make each other laugh and have good conversations with each other.. a couple
weeks ago she told me she was bi (She doesn’t know I am bi too, actually no one know’s yet I don’t think).

Anyways, we have never hung out outside of work and stuff, but she’s leaving in like 2 weeks and I cried for hours yesterday after she told me…I want to let her know that I’m interested in her before she goes and that I like her more than just a friend..

The thing is she’s 5 years older than me..and I don’t know myself whether she’s interested…since i’ve never done this before I’m totally confused, upset and excited all at once!

Kristy

A

Don’t worry about the age thing, 5 years is no biggie. (Unless you’re
underage that is.)

She’s leaving work or town?

Let me know which she is leaving, because if it’s town, it’s not really fair for
you to tell her, and leave both of you wondering what if…

Always try for local and available women to date. Especially a first
relationship. It’s hard enough without the whole long distance insecurity
baggage.

If she’s just leaving the job, and staying in town, tell her, say “Hey, we should
do something afer work to celebrate your new job/whatever she is leaving
for.” Make it just the two of you.

You’re lucky because she’s already told you she’s bi, so she won’t run
screaming from the room when you say the same thing back.

QII

She is staying the the same town, just moving on to a different job.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add to the other post, that I’m 17 and she’s 22..Thats
our age difference.

AII

Here’s the part that would be the same regardless of your age:

In my view, any teen-aged person who thinks that he or she is gay, has done
a lot more thinking about their sexuality than one who just assumes that they
are straight.

This “more thinking” means that you are likely better able to handle yourself
in a relationship with an older person than a straight teen with an older
person. You know a lot more about yourself, and in some ways aren’t as
vulnerable.

The fact that your intended isn’t really out of her own teens, being only
22/23, also makes the situation easier than if your intended was 15 or more years older.

Here’s the advise because you are 17/18:

You already know she’s bi, so you are pretty safe that when you tell her that
you are bi and maybe a lesbian, she isn’t going to freak. Likely, she told you
she was bi to see if you would take the bait – to test the waters.

You’ve already been flirty with each other, and that’s not really something
that straight women do. Not totally straight women anyway.

What I would do is this: invite her out after work, just the two of you to
celebrate her change of jobs. Stay away from alcohol, because, while it does
lower inhibitions, it also decreases your ability and your focus. And you’ll need
your wits about you.

Think about the scenario in which she came out to you, she may have been
testing the waters, trying to see if you felt the same.

I can’t tell you the number of times woman came out to me in University,
and I keep thinking, what an idiot I was to have missed all those really hot
babes. I came out after university, at 23. There was a reason they were
telling me they were dykes, they were hitting on me, I just didn’t get it.

If you feel really brave, just get her to go out for coffee and lay the cards on
the table.

“Look, , we’ve been really good friends at work, and now you’re leaving and
I’m gonna miss you here, but I don’t want to loose this friendship or what it
may become. I really like you, and I’d like to keep seeing you – I’m bi too.”
kind of a thing.

You are in a sort of win win situation. If you tell her, and she says, yes I like
you too, let’s go out, you are golden. If she says, thank you, but I don’t think
of you that way, you’ll be hurt, but you won’t have to face her at work and have that torture. (the getting hurt is the sort of win part).

basically, if you don’t tell her, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.

You can’t get the girl by keeping silent. And she’s worth the risk.

If she ends up saying no, then at least you tried and there are LOTS of other
girls.

If you are 15: then the advise is to date a girl your own age, at least until
you are of the legal age of consent where you live so as to not get your
beloved in jail. It makes anniversaries not so pleasant with a plexiglass
screen between you, and just think of what the photos would look like later.

Flirting Do’s

Flirt with no expectation of reward

Flirt just for fun, not to keep score or with a win/lose mentality.

Worst case, you hone some skills, practice new material – and if you are really doing it for fun – you get 15%* more attractive to the person you’re flirting with!

Ask specific, but open-ended questions

This demonstrates that you’re interested specifically in HER as a person,  and don’t watch her mouth move so you know when it’s your turn to talk.

Asking yes or no questions does not show interest or much humour or cleverness. Plus, it doesn’t get the girl talking; which you need to do to create an opportunity for the discussion to take a natural amorous turn.

“What do you think about  (some news story fraught with tension)…?” followed by  “Tell me your favorite way to relax.”

Look for humor in what she is saying, and laugh at her jokes if you find them funny. If you can’t make each other laugh – thank her for the conversation and move on.

Well, unless you’re just looking for Ms. Right Now – after all, the only thing standing between you and dates is fussy standards.

Be generous with sincere compliments.

Smile, smile, smile! Be friendly.

Being playful yet persistent, but back away gracefully if you keep getting rebuffed.

Show that you’re a vulnerable, real person, and not a “come on” machine.

Learn to dance. And like it.

Your body is speaking even when you are not. Be aware of what message you’re sending with your stances, your hands your facial expression and vocal tone.

Touch is a powerful communicator. Use touch sparingly and meaningfully  – to non-erogenous zones – and tons of eye contact. Remember, touch should be balanced between being invitational and being a bit daring.

But not stalker creepy.

Anyplace can be a meeting place.

Make where you are work for you. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing – there’s bound to be a gal with a common interest and that is a great conversation opener.

It’s especially important in Net Flirting (or Personal Ads or phone conversations) to use your vocabulary effectively. Remember that 90% of what people think about you comes from your appearance, but without that opportunity, the command of language is crucial.

Take the initiative: other women are shy too!

 

* Statistics are not verified scientifically and are wholly imaginary – but don’t let that stop you.