Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Posts tagged ‘flirt’

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Lezflirt – course overview

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The Flirtation: A Short Story

My mouth went dry. Not the thick saliva kind of dry that a cold glass of water would cut through, but the full mouth and throat dry that makes you think that your tongue will crack at any moment.

I didn’t mind it, really, until my knees began to shake. I knew I was a goner then because there you were, smiling at me.

I closed my eyes, trying to resist, pleading that you would be gone when I opened them. Please, just understand that I am weak. I opened one eye, just a tiny bit, but you were still there with that dazzling smile. And those blue eyes that I could lose my soul in. For just a heartbeat I thought you winked at me, but then I knew I was being foolish. Still, I had to get closer. Just be near you even if you couldn’t be mine. Maybe we could just pretend for a moment. Maybe.

I was close enough to touch you then. I swallowed to keep my heart from escaping through my throat. I drank you in with my eyes, not trusting myself to actually touch you. My scalp was hot and tingly, never a good sign. I run my dry tongue over my lips, I swallowed hard again and tried to get some relief for my aching throat.

My awareness of others around us was dimming. Frantically I looked around for a familiar, friendly face to pull me back from this brink, but your presence is too much, and my eyes are pulled back to you.

Your smile, once warm, seems like it’s mocking me now. I try to smile, but the tingling in my scalp has spread to my whole flesh, and now my clothes seem coarse and rough. I feel a thin sweat break out on my brow and between my shoulder blades. I feel feverish, and I can tell by the warmth in my cheeks that I am flushed. You always do that to me. Do you even know the strength of your power, how you can command my attention from across a room?

Summoning all my courage, and after glancing around to make sure we’re not being noticed, I touch your hand. Your smile never wavers.

I didn’t realise how your eyes would be even more blue this close to you. I mean, I knew they were blue, everyone knows that they’re blue. . . but I’m babbling now. But I said, I mean, I did say, I said I would be lost in your eyes.

Panicking now, I step away, I can’t be seen here, doing this, here with you. I move across the room.

I try to forget that you are just standing there, smiling at me. But I sneak a look back. I know, and you know, that I have come here to see you, to be near you and to pretend that you are mine.

And you are driving me wild with desire to have you, to have you in my home, to be with me always.

Another woman walks passed me with a too familiar look in her eyes. My heart flutters as I watch her make a beeline for you. Her hips move easily and I can see the bulge of her wallet in her back pocket. I can’t stand to loose you.

I approach the clerk and say hurriedly, “I’d like to buy the Xena Warrior Princess life-size cardboard cut out.”

I slip the clerk my visa card and smile, victorious.

In Love with the girl

Q
Well, at this point i can say i’m deeply in love with a beautiful girl, but here’s
the story: You all know how it all started, last time i wrote i said i was going
to ask her out so i did, one day i took my guts and just ask her out; she said
no, but i guess i put my sad and depressed face ‘cause after a few seconds
she told me we could go out another time (that day she couldn’t ‘cause she
had to finish a project for the next day).

So i didn’t see her for a long time (well, for 3 or 4 days, LOL) and then there was this party on friday night where i knew she was going to be. I decided to show up but i didn’t see her anywhere, when it was almost midnight she arrived with 2 friends, i’m
guessing a straight couple ‘cause they let her ALONE, so i made my move and
ended up right next to her.

We were together untill 4 in the morning and i was so excited that i came out, i said to her: “ok, i have to say this, i really like you and i don’t know how you’re going to react but i need to know if i have any chance” after those words i expected the worst, my heart almost stopped and my head was spinning round and round, she just said: “well, i kinda knew how you feel about me, i’m really flattered but i don’t know what
to do…….”.

The minutes that followed those words were really relaxing, she told me she’s been single for almost a year and that her last relation kept her depressed for a long time (and guess what, it’s a she-ex, she’s gay too!!!!), she told me she’s scared of a new relation with anybody but that she liked me (well, likes me still, LOL). At that time i was so out that i asked her if she wanted to go to a place more quiet to discuss the item so she ask me to drive her home.

We were outside her house talking in the car when she said goodbye, i hurried to open the door and when she was stepping out i trapped her between the car and me, i told her she’s beautiful and that i would never hurt her but i was going to wait untill she’s ready, she smiled in the most tender way i’ve ever seen and i kissed her (i could’t help myself!!!!), i have to tell you it was the best kiss i’ve ever given, i took her face with both hands

and she took me by my shoulders (she’s shorter than me) i felt i was in
heaven. I asked her if i could call her later but she said no so for the entire
weekend i was desperate but i didn’t call. On monday we saw each other and
talked, she told me that she really likes me and wants to be with me, but that
she needs to know me better. We’re getting to know each other right now,
but i feel this huge need to hold her and kiss her……….how much do i have to
wait??????? i think i’ve waited too much and i just want to be with her, what
do i do???????
y question:
A
Okay, so, you got to The Girl and she’s a dyke. And even better, she
likes you too. But, you really really really need to listen to what’s she
saying – which is: she got burned in a past relationship that she’s not
quite over yet (either the ex or the way their relationship broke up).

So, if you want anything to start and last with this girl, you need to
RELAX and put the brakes on – just a bit. And the girl will be yours.
(at least she appears to be willing)

You’ve made the contact, you’ve made the connection, she’s
interested too, and now you need to breathe and let her adjust to the
idea of starting a new relationship.

You need to move slowly, and build up a knowledge base and comfort
level with each other. I know you think she’s hot, she’s a dream, and your heart’s desire is to jump right into sex, but she’s not ready yet.

Maybe she has some intimacy issues, maybe she still has a thing for
her ex, maybe her last relationship started really fast and burned out,
and she’s looking for something that will last and wants to develop a
relationship foundation.

So, what you need to do, now that you’ve got her attention, is let her
do a little chasing too. Give her your phone number, go out on some
dates, talk, and most of all, listen to her. Tell her about yourself, that
you’re a fun person with a lot of interests, be funny, charming,

but you don’t need to be there every day

don’t always be the one to initiate the contact, dates, get togethers.

Don’t hover and be omnipresent in her life,

There’s a fine line between being a suitor and a stalker. Be careful to
stay in the first category.

Show her you’re interested in her as a person, that you are interested
in her past life, her future plans, her family & friends, that it’s not just
a physical thing – I assure you – it’s a turn on it is to be treated as a
whole person, and not just a body.

Most importantly, be a whole person yourself, make sure you don’t
neglect your studies, your friends and family and hobbies.

It’s hard to do, and us lesbians tend to want to just merge and melt
into each other – a sort of fusion – at the beginning of a relationship,
but, you’ll need to resist this tendency.

Okay, enough rambling – be patient, be gentle and the girl will be
yours.

Nina

Q: Newly Out and interested in older woman

Q

Look I really need any help and advice that anyone can give. I just recently had a
huge revelation with myself and figured it out that I was bi.. and now I am crushing
on a girl for the first time and I’m stuck on what I want to do.

I met this girl through work, and over the past year we’ve become good friends and
we make each other laugh and have good conversations with each other.. a couple
weeks ago she told me she was bi (She doesn’t know I am bi too, actually no one know’s yet I don’t think).

Anyways, we have never hung out outside of work and stuff, but she’s leaving in like 2 weeks and I cried for hours yesterday after she told me…I want to let her know that I’m interested in her before she goes and that I like her more than just a friend..

The thing is she’s 5 years older than me..and I don’t know myself whether she’s interested…since i’ve never done this before I’m totally confused, upset and excited all at once!

Kristy

A

Don’t worry about the age thing, 5 years is no biggie. (Unless you’re
underage that is.)

She’s leaving work or town?

Let me know which she is leaving, because if it’s town, it’s not really fair for
you to tell her, and leave both of you wondering what if…

Always try for local and available women to date. Especially a first
relationship. It’s hard enough without the whole long distance insecurity
baggage.

If she’s just leaving the job, and staying in town, tell her, say “Hey, we should
do something afer work to celebrate your new job/whatever she is leaving
for.” Make it just the two of you.

You’re lucky because she’s already told you she’s bi, so she won’t run
screaming from the room when you say the same thing back.

QII

She is staying the the same town, just moving on to a different job.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add to the other post, that I’m 17 and she’s 22..Thats
our age difference.

AII

Here’s the part that would be the same regardless of your age:

In my view, any teen-aged person who thinks that he or she is gay, has done
a lot more thinking about their sexuality than one who just assumes that they
are straight.

This “more thinking” means that you are likely better able to handle yourself
in a relationship with an older person than a straight teen with an older
person. You know a lot more about yourself, and in some ways aren’t as
vulnerable.

The fact that your intended isn’t really out of her own teens, being only
22/23, also makes the situation easier than if your intended was 15 or more years older.

Here’s the advise because you are 17/18:

You already know she’s bi, so you are pretty safe that when you tell her that
you are bi and maybe a lesbian, she isn’t going to freak. Likely, she told you
she was bi to see if you would take the bait – to test the waters.

You’ve already been flirty with each other, and that’s not really something
that straight women do. Not totally straight women anyway.

What I would do is this: invite her out after work, just the two of you to
celebrate her change of jobs. Stay away from alcohol, because, while it does
lower inhibitions, it also decreases your ability and your focus. And you’ll need
your wits about you.

Think about the scenario in which she came out to you, she may have been
testing the waters, trying to see if you felt the same.

I can’t tell you the number of times woman came out to me in University,
and I keep thinking, what an idiot I was to have missed all those really hot
babes. I came out after university, at 23. There was a reason they were
telling me they were dykes, they were hitting on me, I just didn’t get it.

If you feel really brave, just get her to go out for coffee and lay the cards on
the table.

“Look, , we’ve been really good friends at work, and now you’re leaving and
I’m gonna miss you here, but I don’t want to loose this friendship or what it
may become. I really like you, and I’d like to keep seeing you – I’m bi too.”
kind of a thing.

You are in a sort of win win situation. If you tell her, and she says, yes I like
you too, let’s go out, you are golden. If she says, thank you, but I don’t think
of you that way, you’ll be hurt, but you won’t have to face her at work and have that torture. (the getting hurt is the sort of win part).

basically, if you don’t tell her, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.

You can’t get the girl by keeping silent. And she’s worth the risk.

If she ends up saying no, then at least you tried and there are LOTS of other
girls.

If you are 15: then the advise is to date a girl your own age, at least until
you are of the legal age of consent where you live so as to not get your
beloved in jail. It makes anniversaries not so pleasant with a plexiglass
screen between you, and just think of what the photos would look like later.

I fancy a straight married woman

Q

We’ve spent weeks flirting with one another. She makes a point of coming to my
desk or touching me whenever we’re talking. She laughs at my jokes…and all I can
do is try to contain the pounding beat of my heart and not get too flustered.

My brain dries up to a prune and I (worst of all) start sweating. I know she’s straight
and married which means I can’t do anything about it, but the more she flirts with
me, the more I fancy her and the more flustered I get.

It’s got so I’m nervous of going into the office. I don’t think she notices that I’m nervous – I do a good cover up job with a sense of humour. It’s just beginning to wear me out. Trouble is, I’m not sure if I want her to stop, or encourage it to go one step further.

A

The straight and married isn’t necessarily the biggest problem – it’s the co-worker part.

PROBLEM ONE:

When any office romances go bad, it can be very bad.

Is she in a higher job position or are you? You must be aware of the
possibility of sexual harassment complaints. Does your company have a “no-frat”
policy? Would you be risking your job? Or hers?

How sure are you that she’s really flirting? Laughing at jokes and touching
your arm can just mean that she’s friendly and likes your sense of humour.

Does she know you’re a lesbian? Are you out at work? If you make a blatant
move on her, and she’s just being friendly, will she out you and are you going
to lose your job?

When was the last time you dated? Maybe what you need is a more
immediately attainable, less dangerous attraction. Then, you’ll be able to take
her flirting in stride.

She may not want to do more than what she is doing. She may be in the
coming out process herself, and not willing to do more than test the waters, with someone she thinks is safe. Or she may be oblivious to the effect she has on you.

A same sex office romance can go bad even worse than a het one, but it can be fun having sex in the bathroom and other places. Just decide if that forbidden thrill is worth the risk.

PROBLEM TWO

She’s married.

If you’re willing to be a discrete, short term, bit on the side, and you’re sure
the co-worker part isn’t going to explode in your face and destroy your
career, then, hey, you’re technically not the one cheating.

If you’re looking at her like she’s a possible Ms. Right, long term relationship.
Well, to be really blunt, she’s supposed to already be in one. With a man.

The trouble is: if she’s willing to cheat on him, what’s to stop her cheating on
you later? And maybe even….with another man….

Before you make any decisions, figure out what you want the end result to be
(say in five years – where are you and she working and who are the three of
you (you, her and her husband –are there children?) living with: her with
him or her with you or her and him & you and someone else?).

And then take the steps to make your longer term desired result happen.

Flirting Do Nots

It’s very possible that being awkward at flirting is sometimes charming, more often than not, it won’t be.

Awkward is very different from the “Aw Shucks” approach – the best example is early Matthew McConaughey movies.  Personally, I find the aw shucks approach distasteful with very insincere undertones. I think that’s because it feels like the sale technique of bait and switch.

While the lesson is that there is no style or line that will work on all people in all situations, there are several behaviours that are more likely deal breakers no matter what style of flirting you develop:

  • Flirting is not a one-shot deal. Try, try again! Flirting is not a “Do or Die” scenario, but measured in degrees of success. Maybe you got turned down, but got so far as to buy the drink. Maybe you got a dance with the girl…But maybe pick someone else to flirt with. It’s not the case that if at first you don’t succeed that you’re done for the night. You are really just warming up.
  • Talking too much is a sure sign that you aren’t listening. Being listened to, really paid attention to listening – not the so called “active listening” *  – is a very attractive quality, because really, we are all out there trying to meet someone that we can really connect to. Being listened to is the measurement of connections.
  • Don’t follow people around or act needy. No one likes a stalker. Well, for any length of time, anyway. It’s not what anyone would consider a long term attractive quality form much more than Ms Right Now.
  • Don’t be insincere.In many of life’s arenas, you must be able to fake sincerity. Certainly being sincere is optimal and faking sincerity in non-flirting situations may be good enough, but not so much in dating and mating. Just be honest in what your interest level is. Don’t pretend you’re looking for That Special One to enjoy movies and walks on the beach with, if you’re not. Be clear to yourself what you’re looking for in terms of person and whether it’s one night or are you open to something more substantial or longer?
  • Your job, car, how many other women you’ve slept with or your inflated ego is not an aphrodisiac. Showing more interest in HER achievements than your own is a turn-on that is closely related to listening. It’s important enough to mention twice.
  • Nothing terminates encounters faster than a Terminator approach. Give others time to get to know you are a person not a “Come on Machine”. How attractive is “Ba-da bing Ba-da boom” to you?
  • In the event that you get turned down, exit gracefully. There is no need to be nasty, even if your intended is less than kind in turning your generous offer of your fine self, don’t sink to a childish level.
    • A bow, a wave, a kiss on the hand, paying for a drink as an exit, might make her change her mind, or at least grow up a bit and treat the next unfortunate dyke to flirt with her better. Or maybe you will intrigue one of her pals.
  • Everyone’s entitled to a bad day or off night, don’t make it worse, and don’t dwell on it either, sometimes it’s really not about you. Maybe you look or act like an ex of her’s – while maybe not insurmountable to a relationship, it does make getting one started harder. Probably better to try with someone who doesn’t have baggage with/about someone else that you’re going to have to carry.

Remember, you might end up dating a friend of hers, and then she’ll really regret having passed you up.

 

* Active Listening – is the act of focusing so much on the act of listening (nodding, encouraging yeah, uhhuhs and re-stating what they have said) that you’re not actually listening.

Flirting Do’s

Flirt with no expectation of reward

Flirt just for fun, not to keep score or with a win/lose mentality.

Worst case, you hone some skills, practice new material – and if you are really doing it for fun – you get 15%* more attractive to the person you’re flirting with!

Ask specific, but open-ended questions

This demonstrates that you’re interested specifically in HER as a person,  and don’t watch her mouth move so you know when it’s your turn to talk.

Asking yes or no questions does not show interest or much humour or cleverness. Plus, it doesn’t get the girl talking; which you need to do to create an opportunity for the discussion to take a natural amorous turn.

“What do you think about  (some news story fraught with tension)…?” followed by  “Tell me your favorite way to relax.”

Look for humor in what she is saying, and laugh at her jokes if you find them funny. If you can’t make each other laugh – thank her for the conversation and move on.

Well, unless you’re just looking for Ms. Right Now – after all, the only thing standing between you and dates is fussy standards.

Be generous with sincere compliments.

Smile, smile, smile! Be friendly.

Being playful yet persistent, but back away gracefully if you keep getting rebuffed.

Show that you’re a vulnerable, real person, and not a “come on” machine.

Learn to dance. And like it.

Your body is speaking even when you are not. Be aware of what message you’re sending with your stances, your hands your facial expression and vocal tone.

Touch is a powerful communicator. Use touch sparingly and meaningfully  – to non-erogenous zones – and tons of eye contact. Remember, touch should be balanced between being invitational and being a bit daring.

But not stalker creepy.

Anyplace can be a meeting place.

Make where you are work for you. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing – there’s bound to be a gal with a common interest and that is a great conversation opener.

It’s especially important in Net Flirting (or Personal Ads or phone conversations) to use your vocabulary effectively. Remember that 90% of what people think about you comes from your appearance, but without that opportunity, the command of language is crucial.

Take the initiative: other women are shy too!

 

* Statistics are not verified scientifically and are wholly imaginary – but don’t let that stop you.

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