Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Archive for December, 2010

I fancy a straight married woman

Q

We’ve spent weeks flirting with one another. She makes a point of coming to my
desk or touching me whenever we’re talking. She laughs at my jokes…and all I can
do is try to contain the pounding beat of my heart and not get too flustered.

My brain dries up to a prune and I (worst of all) start sweating. I know she’s straight
and married which means I can’t do anything about it, but the more she flirts with
me, the more I fancy her and the more flustered I get.

It’s got so I’m nervous of going into the office. I don’t think she notices that I’m nervous – I do a good cover up job with a sense of humour. It’s just beginning to wear me out. Trouble is, I’m not sure if I want her to stop, or encourage it to go one step further.

A

The straight and married isn’t necessarily the biggest problem – it’s the co-worker part.

PROBLEM ONE:

When any office romances go bad, it can be very bad.

Is she in a higher job position or are you? You must be aware of the
possibility of sexual harassment complaints. Does your company have a “no-frat”
policy? Would you be risking your job? Or hers?

How sure are you that she’s really flirting? Laughing at jokes and touching
your arm can just mean that she’s friendly and likes your sense of humour.

Does she know you’re a lesbian? Are you out at work? If you make a blatant
move on her, and she’s just being friendly, will she out you and are you going
to lose your job?

When was the last time you dated? Maybe what you need is a more
immediately attainable, less dangerous attraction. Then, you’ll be able to take
her flirting in stride.

She may not want to do more than what she is doing. She may be in the
coming out process herself, and not willing to do more than test the waters, with someone she thinks is safe. Or she may be oblivious to the effect she has on you.

A same sex office romance can go bad even worse than a het one, but it can be fun having sex in the bathroom and other places. Just decide if that forbidden thrill is worth the risk.

PROBLEM TWO

She’s married.

If you’re willing to be a discrete, short term, bit on the side, and you’re sure
the co-worker part isn’t going to explode in your face and destroy your
career, then, hey, you’re technically not the one cheating.

If you’re looking at her like she’s a possible Ms. Right, long term relationship.
Well, to be really blunt, she’s supposed to already be in one. With a man.

The trouble is: if she’s willing to cheat on him, what’s to stop her cheating on
you later? And maybe even….with another man….

Before you make any decisions, figure out what you want the end result to be
(say in five years – where are you and she working and who are the three of
you (you, her and her husband –are there children?) living with: her with
him or her with you or her and him & you and someone else?).

And then take the steps to make your longer term desired result happen.

Is Lezflirt a man?

Q

You are obviously a man our you wouldn’t talk about “a lover for the night”.

A
No I am not a man, I’m just don’t believe that having sex means you have to
be fused together for life.  I know, that makes me a rare lesbian, but we do exist.

There’s nothing wrong with one night stands – safe, sane and consensual.

Flirting Fears

More often than not, what stops us from approaching people is fear.

While it does sting a bit to be rejected, there isn’t really any reason to be afraid to reach out to connect with another person.

After all, they are not likely to take a swing at you or scream or make a huge scene of it.

It is generally flattering to have someone flirt with you, even if you aren’t available or interested.

The most likely worst case is the person is rude, and if that is the case, then you are better off knowing up front who the jerks in the room are.

Flirting is all trial and error and like most things, it’s a numbers game. You send out enough flirting flags and eventually, someone will salute it.

Think of flirting like a resume – if you’re looking for a job, you don’t send out just one resume.

The Fears That Stop Us

Scared of rejection?

Terrified of being laughed at?

Overwhelmed by perceived inadequacies?

Afraid of being labeled as a sleazebag?

Worried about delivering the goods?

Nervous about diseases?

Your place not tidy enough to bring back company?
Conquering The Fears

What stops us most is ourselves. That little voice in our heads that tells us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, not enough enough.

The little voice is not telling you the truth and it’s not serving you to listen.

Spend an afternoon looking at photos of yourself from 30, 20 or 10 years ago. Remember what you thought of yourself then? Probably how you still think of yourself now.

But looking at the photos, did you look as bad as you thought? No. You will have had good hair days, your fashion sense wasn’t all that off the wall and your body image was more likely off then, and off now.

So, control that little voice and don’t let it control you. Make it tell you that you’re better than you are.

Why not, if the voice is going to lie to you, it may as well tell a lie that makes you feel better.

You are a valuable person with lots to offer.

The women you are going to flirt with are total strangers and, as strangers, their apparent opinion of you shouldn’t matter as much to you as your own opinion matters.

If they can’t recognize that you are someone who is interesting to spend time with, that is their loss. Absolutely.

If they can’t see the value of you when you clearly saw value in them (you flirted with them, didn’t you?), then they did you a favour by rejecting you.

Aren’t you glad you learned early on that they weren’t worth the effort after all?

Get out there and someone who is worth your effort and time.

Where?

Join clubs that interest you or that focus on your real hobbies. Take classes on subjects that really interest you.

Clubs and classes are the best place to meet other dykes with similar interests.

Join a political action committee or a community volunteer organization and work to achieve causes that affect you and your life.

That way, you become more rounded, interesting, confident and have even more to offer.

Then, when you see that nervous shy gal looking at you from across the room, you know she’s being too nervous to approach you – and you can change her world with your new found confident, come hither smile.

How to tell if she likes me

Q

There is this girl at school that I liked for a while now, we just recently started talking.

I was at the softball conditioning with her one afternoon, we were alone, she said she had a lot of things to do after the conditioning, so I asked her to give me a hug. She did and I gave a a kiss close to her lips, she hugged me hard then she laughed.

I really don’t know why she laughed, I don’t think she thinks that I want to be in an intimate relationship with her. I really like this girl, but I just want to know if she likes me.

A

She clearly likes you in some way – otherwise, she wouldn’t have hugged you and probably would have reacted negatively to the kiss.

The only way you’re going to find out if the softball babe likes you in more
than a friend way is to ask her out for a coffee/meal or do something together
outside of the softball conditioning.

Sometimes, straight women stray into lesbian behaviors without even
realizing it for themselves. It’s not meant as a hurtful thing, it’s just easy that
words and gestures made in friendship advances can be easily misinterpreted.

Now, it may be that she is a dyke, and available and flirting.  The laugh makes me inclined to think so.

No real way to tell at this point. You need to get to know her a little better.
Are you an out lesbian on your softball team? (Is it a lesbian team?? Or is that a dumb question?)

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