Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Archive for June, 2011

what now?

Q

Thx for your advice my dear friend, but now i have another question: what do i do now??? Here’s the story: we were getting to know each other (actually we are getting to know each other) and we go out a lot, we visit each other and things like that, you know.

The other day i was at her place (with an invitation, of course) watching TV in her room……..i swear i don’t want her just to have sex, i really like her and i’m really really really starting to fall deeply in love……………anyway, we were watching TV when she just held me tenderly, ***!!!! i swear i thought that was the day i was going to get an answer but she just looked me right into my eyes, told me “i think i love you” and kissed me.

You told me to keep my distance and to be patient, well, i’ve been patient and i haven’t forced anything, so i asked her after the kiss if we were a couple yet (’cause i don’t want just a “good friend”, you know) and she said no.

So please tell me, now what?? what if she’s playing with me or just fooling around or maybe she feels good that somebody likes her that much and she’s enjoying it. I don’t know what to do, you have to help me please!!

A

Well, clearly your patience has paid off a bit, she’s inviting you over, and kissing you. So, while you may not be a *couple*, you are *dating*. That is a step above a friend, but not quite the *girlfriend* ranking that you’re after.

It could be that she’s wanting to avoid doing the lesbian U-haul thing – you meet, you like, and suddenly you’re moved in and joined at the hip and bank account. But, at the same time, she’s giving lots of mixed messages like “I think I love you.”

At this point, I’d say she’s given you the go ahead to initiate the kisses, hugs, gropes and cuddles. Sometimes relationships take a while to go from dating to exclusive couplehood to being the living together joined at the hip/bank account in the long haul.

Now, she’s just come out of a relationship, but I don’t think you mentioned whether or not you’ve been in a relationship before. It could be that she’s testing you to see if you’d stick around for the long haul, or it could be that she’s just wanting to go slow -the first part of a relationship development can be fun and romantic and it’s a phase you never get to repeat -the longing, the self denial, the going partway and building the desire to a fevered pitch.

I would like to think that right now, she’s just trying to get her bearings and get a handle on her feelings about a new relationship starting and to put away all the old feelings about the breakup with her ex. Unless, she’s giving you some other vibes -like that she’s just toying with you -give her the benefit of the doubt. But feel free to call her first and make plans for get togethers. If you have enough of the “low pressure” dates, you’ll be a couple before you know it without the fanfare or official declaration, and you’ll realize it in retrospect.

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Better off – with or without?

Q

hi there, i wrote on this board i think once before about meeting someone off line.
anyway, i did end up meeting her and to me it was great. at first i had doubts that
she wouldent like me but later in the day she told me she did. she ended up hitting
on me and making the first move.

i didnt want to do anything i would regret so we ended up just holding each other all night. it was amazing for me, i felt as if i was on top of the world, no one can hurt or touch me cause i felt so safe and pure.

anyhow, when it was time to go i begun to feel very sad and also angry. the day after we
again strated to chat online and i got the feeling that she didnt like me. when i asked
her if she likes me she said as a firend. we dont have many things in common and
that she needs someone that would do the things she would do. which is fine i
understand i guess, but then why did she say she liked me when i was with her? did
she just want to have fun? or just flat out mess with my head? plz help me on this.

A

Well, if she’s the type to play games just to mess with you, then you’re better
off rid of her now.

But, likely, she’d worked herself up into a state, imagining what you were
like, and when she met you, she kept seeing what she wanted. The next day
or so, the buzz wore off, reality hit and she realized that while you are a fine
and good person, you’re not Ms. Right.

For yourself, be glad you held back and weren’t Ms. Right Now.

So, you have an opportunity to continue a friendship that started on line,
maybe end up dating one of her friends -remember what they say in
business also applies to love : network network network

Give her the benefit of the doubt, so the heat didn’t last the initial meeting,
sounds like she’s still willing to be friends. Maybe you can matchmake each
other from your other friends.

Nina

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