Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Posts tagged ‘hitting on a woman’

In Love with the girl

Q
Well, at this point i can say i’m deeply in love with a beautiful girl, but here’s
the story: You all know how it all started, last time i wrote i said i was going
to ask her out so i did, one day i took my guts and just ask her out; she said
no, but i guess i put my sad and depressed face ‘cause after a few seconds
she told me we could go out another time (that day she couldn’t ‘cause she
had to finish a project for the next day).

So i didn’t see her for a long time (well, for 3 or 4 days, LOL) and then there was this party on friday night where i knew she was going to be. I decided to show up but i didn’t see her anywhere, when it was almost midnight she arrived with 2 friends, i’m
guessing a straight couple ‘cause they let her ALONE, so i made my move and
ended up right next to her.

We were together untill 4 in the morning and i was so excited that i came out, i said to her: “ok, i have to say this, i really like you and i don’t know how you’re going to react but i need to know if i have any chance” after those words i expected the worst, my heart almost stopped and my head was spinning round and round, she just said: “well, i kinda knew how you feel about me, i’m really flattered but i don’t know what
to do…….”.

The minutes that followed those words were really relaxing, she told me she’s been single for almost a year and that her last relation kept her depressed for a long time (and guess what, it’s a she-ex, she’s gay too!!!!), she told me she’s scared of a new relation with anybody but that she liked me (well, likes me still, LOL). At that time i was so out that i asked her if she wanted to go to a place more quiet to discuss the item so she ask me to drive her home.

We were outside her house talking in the car when she said goodbye, i hurried to open the door and when she was stepping out i trapped her between the car and me, i told her she’s beautiful and that i would never hurt her but i was going to wait untill she’s ready, she smiled in the most tender way i’ve ever seen and i kissed her (i could’t help myself!!!!), i have to tell you it was the best kiss i’ve ever given, i took her face with both hands

and she took me by my shoulders (she’s shorter than me) i felt i was in
heaven. I asked her if i could call her later but she said no so for the entire
weekend i was desperate but i didn’t call. On monday we saw each other and
talked, she told me that she really likes me and wants to be with me, but that
she needs to know me better. We’re getting to know each other right now,
but i feel this huge need to hold her and kiss her……….how much do i have to
wait??????? i think i’ve waited too much and i just want to be with her, what
do i do???????
y question:
A
Okay, so, you got to The Girl and she’s a dyke. And even better, she
likes you too. But, you really really really need to listen to what’s she
saying – which is: she got burned in a past relationship that she’s not
quite over yet (either the ex or the way their relationship broke up).

So, if you want anything to start and last with this girl, you need to
RELAX and put the brakes on – just a bit. And the girl will be yours.
(at least she appears to be willing)

You’ve made the contact, you’ve made the connection, she’s
interested too, and now you need to breathe and let her adjust to the
idea of starting a new relationship.

You need to move slowly, and build up a knowledge base and comfort
level with each other. I know you think she’s hot, she’s a dream, and your heart’s desire is to jump right into sex, but she’s not ready yet.

Maybe she has some intimacy issues, maybe she still has a thing for
her ex, maybe her last relationship started really fast and burned out,
and she’s looking for something that will last and wants to develop a
relationship foundation.

So, what you need to do, now that you’ve got her attention, is let her
do a little chasing too. Give her your phone number, go out on some
dates, talk, and most of all, listen to her. Tell her about yourself, that
you’re a fun person with a lot of interests, be funny, charming,

but you don’t need to be there every day

don’t always be the one to initiate the contact, dates, get togethers.

Don’t hover and be omnipresent in her life,

There’s a fine line between being a suitor and a stalker. Be careful to
stay in the first category.

Show her you’re interested in her as a person, that you are interested
in her past life, her future plans, her family & friends, that it’s not just
a physical thing – I assure you – it’s a turn on it is to be treated as a
whole person, and not just a body.

Most importantly, be a whole person yourself, make sure you don’t
neglect your studies, your friends and family and hobbies.

It’s hard to do, and us lesbians tend to want to just merge and melt
into each other – a sort of fusion – at the beginning of a relationship,
but, you’ll need to resist this tendency.

Okay, enough rambling – be patient, be gentle and the girl will be
yours.

Nina

Hot for Teacher

Q

Hi, I’m twenty four yr old and am in love with my college professor. I am
heterosexual and have never been in love with a woman before although I do
feel attraction for certain women. My college professor is married with two
grown children my age.

I know it is not right to dream about someone who is married, and its not like I want her to cheat on her husband. Let me tell you how she acts towards me.

When I was a junior last year, I would always catch her staring at me, when I did she would quickly look away, when I talk to her even a hi or how are you, she gets very flustered and of course so do I.

She always looks out for me, and sees how I’m doing even though she is not my teacher this year. She writes me notes, but only when I write them to her. During summer semester, she watched as me and my best friend had a fight and insisted I stayed with her at school until I felt better, she knew something was wrong, and had me laughing in no time.

She has always tried to be the one grading me, or by my side when I do work so she can calm me down and get me focused. This year I have a new teacher, and I notice her (my old teacher) still watching me every now and then, when I walk by her.

I’ve tossed out a few comments before . Example: I was in her office but had to go
to another class, and said “ahh, I don’t want to go to class I would rather stay here” and she would say”I know, but you should go.”

Another classmate of mine who isn’t friends with me has said that she thinks our teacher is a lesbian even though she’s married and forty-four years old. My questions:
1.) Is there a possibility she’s a lesbian?
2.) are there clues in a person’s behavior?
3.) I fantasize about her all the time, can I make some kind of pass?
4.) Are there lesbians that just get married? and have kids? is this common?
5.) Should I try to fall out of love and how do you do that after a year and
a half?

My heart still does flip flops when she enters a room.

6) One more: I notice I purposely avoid talking to her, because its very
hard to contain my love and feelings, could it be possible that she does the
same? (my friend noticed that she gets flustered as well)

7) Even if nothing happens with her, is there a way to tell if she ever had
any feelings for me, by a question I can ask her or behavior?

A

1.) Is there a possibility she’s a lesbian?
Yes, there is always the possibility.

2.) are there clues in a person’s behavior?
Sometimes, if you know what to look for and it’s usually in the eyes and the walk.It’s hard to describe, and to be truthful, my gaydar isn’t always 100%.
As a generality, lesbians don’t tend to be deferential to men, tend to do more
to suit themselves (the comfortable shoes with the room for five toes in EACH
shoe), and not be as concerned about conforming to social “norms”.

There is also a closeted kind of language – the absence of using “he” or “she”
to describe people -a vagueness about who their friends or hang outs are.
Closeted language tends to be more noticed by omission. “I was seeing this
one person, and but we broke up.” or “My last relationship ended badly.” are
a good examples of closet-talk -no genderizing the person.

Straights say “The guy/girl I was seeing dumped me.” Straight people tend not to notice the lack of pronouns, and they just fill in the blank assuming your straight too.

A semi good way to find out a person is closted is to casually refer to gay news item -Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a good one.

That way, if the person you’re talking to is gay, they canpick up the thread and you sort of circle around each other’s opinions. A straight person probably wouldn’t know or care about the item, a gay person likely would know, or show interest in it.
3.) I fantasize about her all the time, can I make some kind of pass?

Well, you can technically you can make a pass at her, but the question is
should you make a pass.

And, as difficult as it is to hear, I wouldn’t. The woman is married, has kids
and a career -all of which would be put in a great deal of jeopardy by acting
on any attraction she may feel for you. And, while if she’s a lesbian, she may
have an “arragement” with her hubby (maybe he’s gay??) about extra marital
affairs, she’s not likely to risk her career.

4.) Are there lesbians that just get married? and have kids? is this common?

A lot of women get married, have kids and then come out as lesbians; not knowing they were lesbians to start. But some lesbians do marry a man (usually a gay man) for financially mutual arrangements, maybe kids. Lots of reasons – passports, social cover, etc. There’s no way to know how common because no one has ever really counted gays and lesbians, and the ones who would marry for cover wouldn’t likely answer the survey honestly.

Even if every second woman in the country was a “married to a man” dyke, it
doesn’t mean that your proffesser is.

5.) Should I try to fall out of love and how do you do that after a year and a
half? My heart still does flip flops when she enters a room.

Fall in love with someone more attainable. Throw yourself into your studies.
You didn’t say where you were going to school, but they likely have a gay and
lesbian student association. Join in -get active in your community and meet
other gals.

6) One more: I notice I purposely avoid talking to her, because its very hard to contain my love and feelings, could it be possible that she does the same? (my friend noticed that she gets flustered as well)

She may be getting flustered because she’s aware of your crush and doesn’t
know how to deal with it. If you can think of other reasons why a person may act a certain way, then it can be any one of them.

7) Even if nothing happens with her, is there a way to tell if she ever had any
feelings for me, by a question I can ask her or behavior?

I think that from your pre-question description that she does have feelings,
she clearly likes you as a person and that’s a lot more than some people
return emotionally. However, that is gonna be cold comfort if what you are
wanting is for her to have romantic feelings.

I have also asked a pal of mine who was in love with her student advisor in university for some more advise.  I came out because of my feelings for a teacher, who is straight. I never told her what I felt, and I never regretted it. I finished school, moved on and had other relationships. What I needed from that experience was the realization that I was and am a lesbian.

 

Bonus Advise:

Darling;

Your letter went straight -so to speak – to my heart.  Please know that you are not alone in this experience, nor is it a “bad” thing, even if you never so much as brush lips with the teacher of your dreams…

Desire, or infatuation is NEVER bad. Feelings are feelings, and not always so easy to talk yourself out of, nor are they in and of themselves wrong.

Actually, they can be useful! Feelings can be great indicators of deeper stuff that is going on with you. This does not mean that you are a 100% bona fide lesbian. You may not exactly be quite as straight as you thought, either.

But this woman doesn’t flutter your heart for no reason at all. If you want to delve deeper (after reminding yourself AGAIN that it’s totally ok to like, and even want her). Think about what it is she might have, or might represent. Guidance? Mentoring? Nurturing? Approval? And like that.

But you don’t have to get all introspective to survive this. You can deny your
feelings and delve into your studies (which rarely works), or take up soccer.
Or you can take a philosophical attitude – infatuation is like a cold – you can
make it worse, but you can’t make it better. Unless you feed into this thing
(by tormenting yourself with her presence, writing pages of lovelorn poetry
and letters asking her to run away to Mexico) it WILL run its course.

One thing you CAN do – for you and her -is be very aware and responsible for
your actions. Remember how I said that feelings are ok? Acting in a manner
that is hurtful or destructive (even if that’s the very last thing you WANT to
do)is Just Not Cool.

This means, like Nina said, anything that can jeopardize her job, her future..
and what ABOUT her marriage?

You don’t know if she’s a closet lesbian, discovering different feelings, or just
a warm and caring human being. But as long as she is in a committed
relationship, she is Off Limits. Any possible moment of pleasure could end up
hurting her, her kids, her husband AND you.

As to her motives and feelings, you just CAN’T know them. Unless you want
to take her out for coffee and ask point blank, you are spinning in circles
trying to figure them out, assign meanings and implications, and -let me be
blunt -feeding your own crush.

That all having been said, I know damn well that you may keep hanging
around, making excuses to be near her, and wondering what may come of it

and what it all means. HEY! You’ve fallen for someone! This is what humans
do! Sometimes it’s even enjoyable!

Someday you might fall for a woman, or man, that is available and therefore
less “safe” (than someone who is out of reach and easier to keep in the realm
of fantasy).

Until then, walk with honor. Feel good about her. Feel good about yourself.

Hugs,

Nightsinge

Q: Flirting with people on the job

Q

Flirting with a lesbian cop. Bad idea or good idea?

A

Bad idea if she’s writing you a ticket at the time.

Bad idea if it’s in front of a group of other people or her cop partner.
They tend to be closet-y.

Good idea in all other cases. Cops should have dates too.

Sex is a great way to relieve tension, and she’ll have costumes and props for most
fantasy scenes. Bonus.

It’s a touch call to flirt with someone when they are working generally because, if it’s a retail kinda job they are trapped into being nice to customers, and if they work in uniform, then they are trying to be all  authoritarian and official, and it’s hard to switch modes.

Not hard in the right context, though.

Just be careful how you pick your moment.

And don’t assume because she’s a cop she’s a dyke. Straight women actually become cops too.

But what a thin blue line to cross….

Q: Newly Out and interested in older woman

Q

Look I really need any help and advice that anyone can give. I just recently had a
huge revelation with myself and figured it out that I was bi.. and now I am crushing
on a girl for the first time and I’m stuck on what I want to do.

I met this girl through work, and over the past year we’ve become good friends and
we make each other laugh and have good conversations with each other.. a couple
weeks ago she told me she was bi (She doesn’t know I am bi too, actually no one know’s yet I don’t think).

Anyways, we have never hung out outside of work and stuff, but she’s leaving in like 2 weeks and I cried for hours yesterday after she told me…I want to let her know that I’m interested in her before she goes and that I like her more than just a friend..

The thing is she’s 5 years older than me..and I don’t know myself whether she’s interested…since i’ve never done this before I’m totally confused, upset and excited all at once!

Kristy

A

Don’t worry about the age thing, 5 years is no biggie. (Unless you’re
underage that is.)

She’s leaving work or town?

Let me know which she is leaving, because if it’s town, it’s not really fair for
you to tell her, and leave both of you wondering what if…

Always try for local and available women to date. Especially a first
relationship. It’s hard enough without the whole long distance insecurity
baggage.

If she’s just leaving the job, and staying in town, tell her, say “Hey, we should
do something afer work to celebrate your new job/whatever she is leaving
for.” Make it just the two of you.

You’re lucky because she’s already told you she’s bi, so she won’t run
screaming from the room when you say the same thing back.

QII

She is staying the the same town, just moving on to a different job.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add to the other post, that I’m 17 and she’s 22..Thats
our age difference.

AII

Here’s the part that would be the same regardless of your age:

In my view, any teen-aged person who thinks that he or she is gay, has done
a lot more thinking about their sexuality than one who just assumes that they
are straight.

This “more thinking” means that you are likely better able to handle yourself
in a relationship with an older person than a straight teen with an older
person. You know a lot more about yourself, and in some ways aren’t as
vulnerable.

The fact that your intended isn’t really out of her own teens, being only
22/23, also makes the situation easier than if your intended was 15 or more years older.

Here’s the advise because you are 17/18:

You already know she’s bi, so you are pretty safe that when you tell her that
you are bi and maybe a lesbian, she isn’t going to freak. Likely, she told you
she was bi to see if you would take the bait – to test the waters.

You’ve already been flirty with each other, and that’s not really something
that straight women do. Not totally straight women anyway.

What I would do is this: invite her out after work, just the two of you to
celebrate her change of jobs. Stay away from alcohol, because, while it does
lower inhibitions, it also decreases your ability and your focus. And you’ll need
your wits about you.

Think about the scenario in which she came out to you, she may have been
testing the waters, trying to see if you felt the same.

I can’t tell you the number of times woman came out to me in University,
and I keep thinking, what an idiot I was to have missed all those really hot
babes. I came out after university, at 23. There was a reason they were
telling me they were dykes, they were hitting on me, I just didn’t get it.

If you feel really brave, just get her to go out for coffee and lay the cards on
the table.

“Look, , we’ve been really good friends at work, and now you’re leaving and
I’m gonna miss you here, but I don’t want to loose this friendship or what it
may become. I really like you, and I’d like to keep seeing you – I’m bi too.”
kind of a thing.

You are in a sort of win win situation. If you tell her, and she says, yes I like
you too, let’s go out, you are golden. If she says, thank you, but I don’t think
of you that way, you’ll be hurt, but you won’t have to face her at work and have that torture. (the getting hurt is the sort of win part).

basically, if you don’t tell her, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.

You can’t get the girl by keeping silent. And she’s worth the risk.

If she ends up saying no, then at least you tried and there are LOTS of other
girls.

If you are 15: then the advise is to date a girl your own age, at least until
you are of the legal age of consent where you live so as to not get your
beloved in jail. It makes anniversaries not so pleasant with a plexiglass
screen between you, and just think of what the photos would look like later.

Q: I am wrong or crazy?

Q

I am being honest..when I say that being with another woman is all I have
thought about for the past 25 years..maybe more..and yet I am married!!!!

Why??? I have a satisfying relationship with my husband and yet I feel I
have this need to have a secret life on the side with a woman..I think its
probably because of the nurturing that woman are capable of. The compassion
and passion that men cannot sustain..they want a quick lay and we want
meaning and commitment..conversation and a connection with someones else
soul..

I dont know..and I guess I dont know why I am writing you..but you seem to be
the expert. I am in CA , in the Valley. I look like any other mom out here
but chubbier..(what a bitch being chunky and in CA!!!), long blonde hair,
running all over the place.. but I want to know of a little coffee house or
somewhere where I can go and possibly meet someone..get to know someone…and
then?? And, if it doesnt work out..at least I would have made a friend..

Am I wrong or crazy..?? I crave to connect with someone..

If you are not too busy I truly would appreciate an educated response to my
dilemma.

Thanks..

A

You are not wrong or crazy. Perhaps you should start out with a new friend before jumping into an affair.

Without knowing much about your situation, what I suggest is join a coming
out group in your area, locate a lesbian bar or coffee shop or sports team or
activity – do anything to meet some lesbians. test the waters with friendship.

Just pick up any alternative newspaper to find them or join an on-line club, and ask if anyone on line is in your area and want to get together for coffee.

See how those friendships make you feel – are they giving you the nurturing
you crave? Or are the friendships making you crave more?

At some point, you’ll have to consider your husband. Generally, it’s better to
do this before you sleep with another woman:

  1. How long have you been married?
  2. How is he likely to react if you came out to him?
  3. Would he say let’s open our relationship? Let’s take a break? Or walk out?
  4. Would he be understanding or become violent?
  5. Do you have elementary school aged children?

I ask this last one because custody laws tend not to favour the gay parent –
in Florida, a man who was convicted of murder won custody over the mom
who’d come out as a lesbian – and who had no criminal record. I don’t think that a lot has changed in the US since the mid-19990’s when that happened.

Are you prepared to loose him from your life? Or have his role in it changed?

Even on the lesbian side, I will say that having a husband is going to make it
hard for you.  I personally would never date a woman with a husband, but I would be
friends with her, and have been in the past.

I also don’t date lesbians in relationships either. I’ve also had to dump lesbians as
friends who’ve been envious of my relationship and decide that they want one just like it so they flirt with me and or my spouse as a short cut to getting it.

Lots of lesbians are phobic about bisexuals and “sexual tourists” while other
lesbians consider married women very attractive and challenging.

Lesbians are a diverse bunch.

I am concerned that you have idealized lesbian relationships. I know that
some women are nurturing and some are selfish. Some women are
downright bitches, willing to rip your heart out for the fun of it.

Just like men, women can be decent people or jerks to avoid.

That said, sometimes it may be better to be alone for a while – it’s difficult to be happy in a relationship when you’re not comfortable in your own skin.

You may be confusing other feelings with a romanticized attraction to women – so putting aside all the warm fuzzy feelings that any good relationship generates and think about a woman as a sexual partner.

Does the idea of touching another woman and being touched back make you feel like cuddling or does it make you a little bit wet?

Before you make any moves to the lesbian coffee shop, this is something you’re going to need to know.

 

Fun to watch, not so much to live

 

Kissing Jessica Stein was a funny movie – but it would be a devastating relationship to have in real life. Jessica is unhappy with the male options she’s been offered and becomes intrigued with the idea of being with a woman – but it’s for the wrong reasons. Once she’s in the relationship, she has a lot of difficulty with the sexual aspect and ultimately the relationship can’t last.

Sexual incompatibility is one of the main reasons for any relationship – gay or straight – to end.

But you don’t say anything about the sex with your husband – and you’ve focussed on the emotional aspects.

So, youre options are to talk to the hubby and see if you can’t find those feelings within the relationship – who knows, maybe he’s feeling the distancing too; and would like to change or end it.

Or find another straight gal pal and be each other’s nurturing and support.

Or – and I can’t stress this enough – if you want to open up your relationship and change the arrangement – you have to give you hubby time to know and decide what he wants to do with this information.

For an open relationship to work, it takes massive and honest communication between the participants – and with the way you’ve described your loneliness, that kind of communication isn’t present in your marital relationship.

My last point is this – whoever you are in a relationship with is your partner, not a sidekick or a prop or a plaything.

Any woman you may approach is worth more than being a bit on the side.

Any person you enter a relationship with should be there because of you wanting them, not wanting a relationship that you can interchange other people into the secondary role.

You are also worth a full time, equal starring role in the relationship.

Relationships are two (or more) people coming together for each other and the relationship happens. It’s the journey, not the destination.

 

I fancy a straight married woman

Q

We’ve spent weeks flirting with one another. She makes a point of coming to my
desk or touching me whenever we’re talking. She laughs at my jokes…and all I can
do is try to contain the pounding beat of my heart and not get too flustered.

My brain dries up to a prune and I (worst of all) start sweating. I know she’s straight
and married which means I can’t do anything about it, but the more she flirts with
me, the more I fancy her and the more flustered I get.

It’s got so I’m nervous of going into the office. I don’t think she notices that I’m nervous – I do a good cover up job with a sense of humour. It’s just beginning to wear me out. Trouble is, I’m not sure if I want her to stop, or encourage it to go one step further.

A

The straight and married isn’t necessarily the biggest problem – it’s the co-worker part.

PROBLEM ONE:

When any office romances go bad, it can be very bad.

Is she in a higher job position or are you? You must be aware of the
possibility of sexual harassment complaints. Does your company have a “no-frat”
policy? Would you be risking your job? Or hers?

How sure are you that she’s really flirting? Laughing at jokes and touching
your arm can just mean that she’s friendly and likes your sense of humour.

Does she know you’re a lesbian? Are you out at work? If you make a blatant
move on her, and she’s just being friendly, will she out you and are you going
to lose your job?

When was the last time you dated? Maybe what you need is a more
immediately attainable, less dangerous attraction. Then, you’ll be able to take
her flirting in stride.

She may not want to do more than what she is doing. She may be in the
coming out process herself, and not willing to do more than test the waters, with someone she thinks is safe. Or she may be oblivious to the effect she has on you.

A same sex office romance can go bad even worse than a het one, but it can be fun having sex in the bathroom and other places. Just decide if that forbidden thrill is worth the risk.

PROBLEM TWO

She’s married.

If you’re willing to be a discrete, short term, bit on the side, and you’re sure
the co-worker part isn’t going to explode in your face and destroy your
career, then, hey, you’re technically not the one cheating.

If you’re looking at her like she’s a possible Ms. Right, long term relationship.
Well, to be really blunt, she’s supposed to already be in one. With a man.

The trouble is: if she’s willing to cheat on him, what’s to stop her cheating on
you later? And maybe even….with another man….

Before you make any decisions, figure out what you want the end result to be
(say in five years – where are you and she working and who are the three of
you (you, her and her husband –are there children?) living with: her with
him or her with you or her and him & you and someone else?).

And then take the steps to make your longer term desired result happen.

Flirting Do Nots

It’s very possible that being awkward at flirting is sometimes charming, more often than not, it won’t be.

Awkward is very different from the “Aw Shucks” approach – the best example is early Matthew McConaughey movies.  Personally, I find the aw shucks approach distasteful with very insincere undertones. I think that’s because it feels like the sale technique of bait and switch.

While the lesson is that there is no style or line that will work on all people in all situations, there are several behaviours that are more likely deal breakers no matter what style of flirting you develop:

  • Flirting is not a one-shot deal. Try, try again! Flirting is not a “Do or Die” scenario, but measured in degrees of success. Maybe you got turned down, but got so far as to buy the drink. Maybe you got a dance with the girl…But maybe pick someone else to flirt with. It’s not the case that if at first you don’t succeed that you’re done for the night. You are really just warming up.
  • Talking too much is a sure sign that you aren’t listening. Being listened to, really paid attention to listening – not the so called “active listening” *  – is a very attractive quality, because really, we are all out there trying to meet someone that we can really connect to. Being listened to is the measurement of connections.
  • Don’t follow people around or act needy. No one likes a stalker. Well, for any length of time, anyway. It’s not what anyone would consider a long term attractive quality form much more than Ms Right Now.
  • Don’t be insincere.In many of life’s arenas, you must be able to fake sincerity. Certainly being sincere is optimal and faking sincerity in non-flirting situations may be good enough, but not so much in dating and mating. Just be honest in what your interest level is. Don’t pretend you’re looking for That Special One to enjoy movies and walks on the beach with, if you’re not. Be clear to yourself what you’re looking for in terms of person and whether it’s one night or are you open to something more substantial or longer?
  • Your job, car, how many other women you’ve slept with or your inflated ego is not an aphrodisiac. Showing more interest in HER achievements than your own is a turn-on that is closely related to listening. It’s important enough to mention twice.
  • Nothing terminates encounters faster than a Terminator approach. Give others time to get to know you are a person not a “Come on Machine”. How attractive is “Ba-da bing Ba-da boom” to you?
  • In the event that you get turned down, exit gracefully. There is no need to be nasty, even if your intended is less than kind in turning your generous offer of your fine self, don’t sink to a childish level.
    • A bow, a wave, a kiss on the hand, paying for a drink as an exit, might make her change her mind, or at least grow up a bit and treat the next unfortunate dyke to flirt with her better. Or maybe you will intrigue one of her pals.
  • Everyone’s entitled to a bad day or off night, don’t make it worse, and don’t dwell on it either, sometimes it’s really not about you. Maybe you look or act like an ex of her’s – while maybe not insurmountable to a relationship, it does make getting one started harder. Probably better to try with someone who doesn’t have baggage with/about someone else that you’re going to have to carry.

Remember, you might end up dating a friend of hers, and then she’ll really regret having passed you up.

 

* Active Listening – is the act of focusing so much on the act of listening (nodding, encouraging yeah, uhhuhs and re-stating what they have said) that you’re not actually listening.

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