Posts tagged ‘lesbian’
Whenever there are media articles and polls about what celebs are hot or not – it’s usually about what straight men and woman like. But over the last 10 or so years, gay men are often included in the articles but lesbians are not.
So it begs the question – do we fantasize or do we just not answer poll questions?
Desire and fantasies are a complex things – to many, it’s an impossible standard of beauty that is not achievable, even for beautiful women – and thus creating a cycle of low self esteem and dooming them or us into a cycle of one failed relationship after another.
Or impossible standards that no one – no matter how attractive can meet – and so risking settling for someone and again creating a cycle of failed relationships and self blame.
The critical thing is to have good self esteem of your own that is not dependent on anything or anyone external to yourself.
Photo and this image created by Nina aka Lezflirt
Coming out as non-heterosexual is not about conforming to other stereotypes.
You don’t have to change your wardrobe or personality.
Give yourself permission to be who you already are
and celebrate your new-found honesty with yourself
and whenever and wherever safe – with others
because telling people you are non-heterosexual is an important social shift towards
people who know that they know someone not straight, increases the social acceptance and norming of diversity.
it occurs to me that sometimes people need to have an external permission to be what they are
partly because I have been asked by several people for permission about them expressing their sexuality
I have given several men permission to be gay and a few women permission to be bisexual
Not that I have any power or ability or authority at all
but I still get asked and somehow, my granting permission has power because they give it power
I discovered this in an uncomfortable way
a lesbian pal of mine asked my advise – she had met a man who had all the qualities that she wanted in a woman and she just didn’t know what to do
I told her to consider whether it was the man or the qualities that he embodied were what was attractive
she said she wasn’t sure
I told her to let go of her hang up of gender and if these were qualities that she wanted in a partner and he was interested, then why not date him?
she was concerned about her lesbian identity and whether dating a man would mean that she wasn’t or couldn’t be again
I suggested that worrying about these things could prevent her from ever being happy in a relationship, so she had to decide which was more important – her lesbian identity or a happy relationship
SHe ended up dating him – a few weeks later, they threw a party and I was invited.
I liked the man very much on the spot – he was a science fiction geek who owned and ran a comic book store – but was a kind, funny and gentle man.
He asked to speak privately with me. Curious, I followed him outside
He thanked me for giving my friend permission to date him
I thought he was winding me up, because, seriously, I do not have that kind of power or control or authority; so I said, “well, I can take it away anytime”
He nearly burst into tears – I was horrified that he actually thought I really had that power more than that I would used it badly –
other scenarios have been a lot lighter – several men were concerned about what women would think of them if they were gay – so I pointed out that if they were gay that women were not relevant to them – which seemed to be a great relief
because seriously, why would it matter what anyone that you weren’t in a relationship thinks of you?