Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Posts tagged ‘Does She Like Me’

The One I’m Unsure of

Dear Lezflirt

I’m a lesbian and have been for a number of years.
I’ve never had to guess whether a women I eventually became involved with was
attracted to me. It was right there. However now, there is one particular woman that
I’m unsure of. I think she may be flirting with me, but I’m not confident in that
assumption.
She is definitely a lesbian. Our relationship is very casual. We’ve had to talk a
number of times briefly on the phone.
When we do, her voice is soft, low, calm and endearing. I’m usually very straight
(direct) or semibabbling.
When I see her she is all smiles and very friendly. I’m still very straight (all
business).
She’s never asked me out. She has involved me in one of her organization’s events,
(which is how she got my number). Before that, she was someone I saw 2X in my
neighborhood.
Is she flirting or being friendly? What’s the line/difference?
If I feel she is, does that me an she is?
thanks
RE: How do I know?
Well, from what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound like she’s flirting.
Lots of people talk in a calm, low voices – it depends on the vocal inflection, is
it intimate, does she sound like she’s dropping hints, using double meanings?
Why not try obviously flirting with her first? Make a no/low pressure sexual
joke, see how she responds.
She may just be mellow, friendly person.
But how you are responding to her isn’t really a gauge of whether or not the
other person is. It’s easy to mistake someone actually flirting for just
friendliness and vice versa.
Communication is the key to determine what the other person’s intentions
are.
Hope this helps, sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner.

Better off – with or without?

Q

hi there, i wrote on this board i think once before about meeting someone off line.
anyway, i did end up meeting her and to me it was great. at first i had doubts that
she wouldent like me but later in the day she told me she did. she ended up hitting
on me and making the first move.

i didnt want to do anything i would regret so we ended up just holding each other all night. it was amazing for me, i felt as if i was on top of the world, no one can hurt or touch me cause i felt so safe and pure.

anyhow, when it was time to go i begun to feel very sad and also angry. the day after we
again strated to chat online and i got the feeling that she didnt like me. when i asked
her if she likes me she said as a firend. we dont have many things in common and
that she needs someone that would do the things she would do. which is fine i
understand i guess, but then why did she say she liked me when i was with her? did
she just want to have fun? or just flat out mess with my head? plz help me on this.

A

Well, if she’s the type to play games just to mess with you, then you’re better
off rid of her now.

But, likely, she’d worked herself up into a state, imagining what you were
like, and when she met you, she kept seeing what she wanted. The next day
or so, the buzz wore off, reality hit and she realized that while you are a fine
and good person, you’re not Ms. Right.

For yourself, be glad you held back and weren’t Ms. Right Now.

So, you have an opportunity to continue a friendship that started on line,
maybe end up dating one of her friends -remember what they say in
business also applies to love : network network network

Give her the benefit of the doubt, so the heat didn’t last the initial meeting,
sounds like she’s still willing to be friends. Maybe you can matchmake each
other from your other friends.

Nina

In Love with the girl

Q
Well, at this point i can say i’m deeply in love with a beautiful girl, but here’s
the story: You all know how it all started, last time i wrote i said i was going
to ask her out so i did, one day i took my guts and just ask her out; she said
no, but i guess i put my sad and depressed face ‘cause after a few seconds
she told me we could go out another time (that day she couldn’t ‘cause she
had to finish a project for the next day).

So i didn’t see her for a long time (well, for 3 or 4 days, LOL) and then there was this party on friday night where i knew she was going to be. I decided to show up but i didn’t see her anywhere, when it was almost midnight she arrived with 2 friends, i’m
guessing a straight couple ‘cause they let her ALONE, so i made my move and
ended up right next to her.

We were together untill 4 in the morning and i was so excited that i came out, i said to her: “ok, i have to say this, i really like you and i don’t know how you’re going to react but i need to know if i have any chance” after those words i expected the worst, my heart almost stopped and my head was spinning round and round, she just said: “well, i kinda knew how you feel about me, i’m really flattered but i don’t know what
to do…….”.

The minutes that followed those words were really relaxing, she told me she’s been single for almost a year and that her last relation kept her depressed for a long time (and guess what, it’s a she-ex, she’s gay too!!!!), she told me she’s scared of a new relation with anybody but that she liked me (well, likes me still, LOL). At that time i was so out that i asked her if she wanted to go to a place more quiet to discuss the item so she ask me to drive her home.

We were outside her house talking in the car when she said goodbye, i hurried to open the door and when she was stepping out i trapped her between the car and me, i told her she’s beautiful and that i would never hurt her but i was going to wait untill she’s ready, she smiled in the most tender way i’ve ever seen and i kissed her (i could’t help myself!!!!), i have to tell you it was the best kiss i’ve ever given, i took her face with both hands

and she took me by my shoulders (she’s shorter than me) i felt i was in
heaven. I asked her if i could call her later but she said no so for the entire
weekend i was desperate but i didn’t call. On monday we saw each other and
talked, she told me that she really likes me and wants to be with me, but that
she needs to know me better. We’re getting to know each other right now,
but i feel this huge need to hold her and kiss her……….how much do i have to
wait??????? i think i’ve waited too much and i just want to be with her, what
do i do???????
y question:
A
Okay, so, you got to The Girl and she’s a dyke. And even better, she
likes you too. But, you really really really need to listen to what’s she
saying – which is: she got burned in a past relationship that she’s not
quite over yet (either the ex or the way their relationship broke up).

So, if you want anything to start and last with this girl, you need to
RELAX and put the brakes on – just a bit. And the girl will be yours.
(at least she appears to be willing)

You’ve made the contact, you’ve made the connection, she’s
interested too, and now you need to breathe and let her adjust to the
idea of starting a new relationship.

You need to move slowly, and build up a knowledge base and comfort
level with each other. I know you think she’s hot, she’s a dream, and your heart’s desire is to jump right into sex, but she’s not ready yet.

Maybe she has some intimacy issues, maybe she still has a thing for
her ex, maybe her last relationship started really fast and burned out,
and she’s looking for something that will last and wants to develop a
relationship foundation.

So, what you need to do, now that you’ve got her attention, is let her
do a little chasing too. Give her your phone number, go out on some
dates, talk, and most of all, listen to her. Tell her about yourself, that
you’re a fun person with a lot of interests, be funny, charming,

but you don’t need to be there every day

don’t always be the one to initiate the contact, dates, get togethers.

Don’t hover and be omnipresent in her life,

There’s a fine line between being a suitor and a stalker. Be careful to
stay in the first category.

Show her you’re interested in her as a person, that you are interested
in her past life, her future plans, her family & friends, that it’s not just
a physical thing – I assure you – it’s a turn on it is to be treated as a
whole person, and not just a body.

Most importantly, be a whole person yourself, make sure you don’t
neglect your studies, your friends and family and hobbies.

It’s hard to do, and us lesbians tend to want to just merge and melt
into each other – a sort of fusion – at the beginning of a relationship,
but, you’ll need to resist this tendency.

Okay, enough rambling – be patient, be gentle and the girl will be
yours.

Nina

Hot for Teacher

Q

Hi, I’m twenty four yr old and am in love with my college professor. I am
heterosexual and have never been in love with a woman before although I do
feel attraction for certain women. My college professor is married with two
grown children my age.

I know it is not right to dream about someone who is married, and its not like I want her to cheat on her husband. Let me tell you how she acts towards me.

When I was a junior last year, I would always catch her staring at me, when I did she would quickly look away, when I talk to her even a hi or how are you, she gets very flustered and of course so do I.

She always looks out for me, and sees how I’m doing even though she is not my teacher this year. She writes me notes, but only when I write them to her. During summer semester, she watched as me and my best friend had a fight and insisted I stayed with her at school until I felt better, she knew something was wrong, and had me laughing in no time.

She has always tried to be the one grading me, or by my side when I do work so she can calm me down and get me focused. This year I have a new teacher, and I notice her (my old teacher) still watching me every now and then, when I walk by her.

I’ve tossed out a few comments before . Example: I was in her office but had to go
to another class, and said “ahh, I don’t want to go to class I would rather stay here” and she would say”I know, but you should go.”

Another classmate of mine who isn’t friends with me has said that she thinks our teacher is a lesbian even though she’s married and forty-four years old. My questions:
1.) Is there a possibility she’s a lesbian?
2.) are there clues in a person’s behavior?
3.) I fantasize about her all the time, can I make some kind of pass?
4.) Are there lesbians that just get married? and have kids? is this common?
5.) Should I try to fall out of love and how do you do that after a year and
a half?

My heart still does flip flops when she enters a room.

6) One more: I notice I purposely avoid talking to her, because its very
hard to contain my love and feelings, could it be possible that she does the
same? (my friend noticed that she gets flustered as well)

7) Even if nothing happens with her, is there a way to tell if she ever had
any feelings for me, by a question I can ask her or behavior?

A

1.) Is there a possibility she’s a lesbian?
Yes, there is always the possibility.

2.) are there clues in a person’s behavior?
Sometimes, if you know what to look for and it’s usually in the eyes and the walk.It’s hard to describe, and to be truthful, my gaydar isn’t always 100%.
As a generality, lesbians don’t tend to be deferential to men, tend to do more
to suit themselves (the comfortable shoes with the room for five toes in EACH
shoe), and not be as concerned about conforming to social “norms”.

There is also a closeted kind of language – the absence of using “he” or “she”
to describe people -a vagueness about who their friends or hang outs are.
Closeted language tends to be more noticed by omission. “I was seeing this
one person, and but we broke up.” or “My last relationship ended badly.” are
a good examples of closet-talk -no genderizing the person.

Straights say “The guy/girl I was seeing dumped me.” Straight people tend not to notice the lack of pronouns, and they just fill in the blank assuming your straight too.

A semi good way to find out a person is closted is to casually refer to gay news item -Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a good one.

That way, if the person you’re talking to is gay, they canpick up the thread and you sort of circle around each other’s opinions. A straight person probably wouldn’t know or care about the item, a gay person likely would know, or show interest in it.
3.) I fantasize about her all the time, can I make some kind of pass?

Well, you can technically you can make a pass at her, but the question is
should you make a pass.

And, as difficult as it is to hear, I wouldn’t. The woman is married, has kids
and a career -all of which would be put in a great deal of jeopardy by acting
on any attraction she may feel for you. And, while if she’s a lesbian, she may
have an “arragement” with her hubby (maybe he’s gay??) about extra marital
affairs, she’s not likely to risk her career.

4.) Are there lesbians that just get married? and have kids? is this common?

A lot of women get married, have kids and then come out as lesbians; not knowing they were lesbians to start. But some lesbians do marry a man (usually a gay man) for financially mutual arrangements, maybe kids. Lots of reasons – passports, social cover, etc. There’s no way to know how common because no one has ever really counted gays and lesbians, and the ones who would marry for cover wouldn’t likely answer the survey honestly.

Even if every second woman in the country was a “married to a man” dyke, it
doesn’t mean that your proffesser is.

5.) Should I try to fall out of love and how do you do that after a year and a
half? My heart still does flip flops when she enters a room.

Fall in love with someone more attainable. Throw yourself into your studies.
You didn’t say where you were going to school, but they likely have a gay and
lesbian student association. Join in -get active in your community and meet
other gals.

6) One more: I notice I purposely avoid talking to her, because its very hard to contain my love and feelings, could it be possible that she does the same? (my friend noticed that she gets flustered as well)

She may be getting flustered because she’s aware of your crush and doesn’t
know how to deal with it. If you can think of other reasons why a person may act a certain way, then it can be any one of them.

7) Even if nothing happens with her, is there a way to tell if she ever had any
feelings for me, by a question I can ask her or behavior?

I think that from your pre-question description that she does have feelings,
she clearly likes you as a person and that’s a lot more than some people
return emotionally. However, that is gonna be cold comfort if what you are
wanting is for her to have romantic feelings.

I have also asked a pal of mine who was in love with her student advisor in university for some more advise.  I came out because of my feelings for a teacher, who is straight. I never told her what I felt, and I never regretted it. I finished school, moved on and had other relationships. What I needed from that experience was the realization that I was and am a lesbian.

 

Bonus Advise:

Darling;

Your letter went straight -so to speak – to my heart.  Please know that you are not alone in this experience, nor is it a “bad” thing, even if you never so much as brush lips with the teacher of your dreams…

Desire, or infatuation is NEVER bad. Feelings are feelings, and not always so easy to talk yourself out of, nor are they in and of themselves wrong.

Actually, they can be useful! Feelings can be great indicators of deeper stuff that is going on with you. This does not mean that you are a 100% bona fide lesbian. You may not exactly be quite as straight as you thought, either.

But this woman doesn’t flutter your heart for no reason at all. If you want to delve deeper (after reminding yourself AGAIN that it’s totally ok to like, and even want her). Think about what it is she might have, or might represent. Guidance? Mentoring? Nurturing? Approval? And like that.

But you don’t have to get all introspective to survive this. You can deny your
feelings and delve into your studies (which rarely works), or take up soccer.
Or you can take a philosophical attitude – infatuation is like a cold – you can
make it worse, but you can’t make it better. Unless you feed into this thing
(by tormenting yourself with her presence, writing pages of lovelorn poetry
and letters asking her to run away to Mexico) it WILL run its course.

One thing you CAN do – for you and her -is be very aware and responsible for
your actions. Remember how I said that feelings are ok? Acting in a manner
that is hurtful or destructive (even if that’s the very last thing you WANT to
do)is Just Not Cool.

This means, like Nina said, anything that can jeopardize her job, her future..
and what ABOUT her marriage?

You don’t know if she’s a closet lesbian, discovering different feelings, or just
a warm and caring human being. But as long as she is in a committed
relationship, she is Off Limits. Any possible moment of pleasure could end up
hurting her, her kids, her husband AND you.

As to her motives and feelings, you just CAN’T know them. Unless you want
to take her out for coffee and ask point blank, you are spinning in circles
trying to figure them out, assign meanings and implications, and -let me be
blunt -feeding your own crush.

That all having been said, I know damn well that you may keep hanging
around, making excuses to be near her, and wondering what may come of it

and what it all means. HEY! You’ve fallen for someone! This is what humans
do! Sometimes it’s even enjoyable!

Someday you might fall for a woman, or man, that is available and therefore
less “safe” (than someone who is out of reach and easier to keep in the realm
of fantasy).

Until then, walk with honor. Feel good about her. Feel good about yourself.

Hugs,

Nightsinge

Q: Newly Out and interested in older woman

Q

Look I really need any help and advice that anyone can give. I just recently had a
huge revelation with myself and figured it out that I was bi.. and now I am crushing
on a girl for the first time and I’m stuck on what I want to do.

I met this girl through work, and over the past year we’ve become good friends and
we make each other laugh and have good conversations with each other.. a couple
weeks ago she told me she was bi (She doesn’t know I am bi too, actually no one know’s yet I don’t think).

Anyways, we have never hung out outside of work and stuff, but she’s leaving in like 2 weeks and I cried for hours yesterday after she told me…I want to let her know that I’m interested in her before she goes and that I like her more than just a friend..

The thing is she’s 5 years older than me..and I don’t know myself whether she’s interested…since i’ve never done this before I’m totally confused, upset and excited all at once!

Kristy

A

Don’t worry about the age thing, 5 years is no biggie. (Unless you’re
underage that is.)

She’s leaving work or town?

Let me know which she is leaving, because if it’s town, it’s not really fair for
you to tell her, and leave both of you wondering what if…

Always try for local and available women to date. Especially a first
relationship. It’s hard enough without the whole long distance insecurity
baggage.

If she’s just leaving the job, and staying in town, tell her, say “Hey, we should
do something afer work to celebrate your new job/whatever she is leaving
for.” Make it just the two of you.

You’re lucky because she’s already told you she’s bi, so she won’t run
screaming from the room when you say the same thing back.

QII

She is staying the the same town, just moving on to a different job.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add to the other post, that I’m 17 and she’s 22..Thats
our age difference.

AII

Here’s the part that would be the same regardless of your age:

In my view, any teen-aged person who thinks that he or she is gay, has done
a lot more thinking about their sexuality than one who just assumes that they
are straight.

This “more thinking” means that you are likely better able to handle yourself
in a relationship with an older person than a straight teen with an older
person. You know a lot more about yourself, and in some ways aren’t as
vulnerable.

The fact that your intended isn’t really out of her own teens, being only
22/23, also makes the situation easier than if your intended was 15 or more years older.

Here’s the advise because you are 17/18:

You already know she’s bi, so you are pretty safe that when you tell her that
you are bi and maybe a lesbian, she isn’t going to freak. Likely, she told you
she was bi to see if you would take the bait – to test the waters.

You’ve already been flirty with each other, and that’s not really something
that straight women do. Not totally straight women anyway.

What I would do is this: invite her out after work, just the two of you to
celebrate her change of jobs. Stay away from alcohol, because, while it does
lower inhibitions, it also decreases your ability and your focus. And you’ll need
your wits about you.

Think about the scenario in which she came out to you, she may have been
testing the waters, trying to see if you felt the same.

I can’t tell you the number of times woman came out to me in University,
and I keep thinking, what an idiot I was to have missed all those really hot
babes. I came out after university, at 23. There was a reason they were
telling me they were dykes, they were hitting on me, I just didn’t get it.

If you feel really brave, just get her to go out for coffee and lay the cards on
the table.

“Look, , we’ve been really good friends at work, and now you’re leaving and
I’m gonna miss you here, but I don’t want to loose this friendship or what it
may become. I really like you, and I’d like to keep seeing you – I’m bi too.”
kind of a thing.

You are in a sort of win win situation. If you tell her, and she says, yes I like
you too, let’s go out, you are golden. If she says, thank you, but I don’t think
of you that way, you’ll be hurt, but you won’t have to face her at work and have that torture. (the getting hurt is the sort of win part).

basically, if you don’t tell her, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.

You can’t get the girl by keeping silent. And she’s worth the risk.

If she ends up saying no, then at least you tried and there are LOTS of other
girls.

If you are 15: then the advise is to date a girl your own age, at least until
you are of the legal age of consent where you live so as to not get your
beloved in jail. It makes anniversaries not so pleasant with a plexiglass
screen between you, and just think of what the photos would look like later.

How to tell if she likes me

Q

There is this girl at school that I liked for a while now, we just recently started talking.

I was at the softball conditioning with her one afternoon, we were alone, she said she had a lot of things to do after the conditioning, so I asked her to give me a hug. She did and I gave a a kiss close to her lips, she hugged me hard then she laughed.

I really don’t know why she laughed, I don’t think she thinks that I want to be in an intimate relationship with her. I really like this girl, but I just want to know if she likes me.

A

She clearly likes you in some way – otherwise, she wouldn’t have hugged you and probably would have reacted negatively to the kiss.

The only way you’re going to find out if the softball babe likes you in more
than a friend way is to ask her out for a coffee/meal or do something together
outside of the softball conditioning.

Sometimes, straight women stray into lesbian behaviors without even
realizing it for themselves. It’s not meant as a hurtful thing, it’s just easy that
words and gestures made in friendship advances can be easily misinterpreted.

Now, it may be that she is a dyke, and available and flirting.  The laugh makes me inclined to think so.

No real way to tell at this point. You need to get to know her a little better.
Are you an out lesbian on your softball team? (Is it a lesbian team?? Or is that a dumb question?)

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