Flirting With Lesbians….and more

Archive for February, 2012

Dear Readers – rebooted

So the workshop with the 35 lesbians – went really really well.

Because all I had to do was my best granola lesbian routine and I turned the evening into a consciousness raising session – because there’s only so much about flirting that you can learn from a book.

So I asked questions and made every single woman answer my question and while she answered, I stared at her like she was the only woman in the room and I played with the dragon claw necklace that I wore that hung in my cleavage.

With my barest fingertips to make the crystal dance and sparkle in my cleavage and I played with the chain and let my emotions that were in lock step response to the woman that I was talking to – surprise, interest, empathy, attraction –

I was a blonde blue eyed big boobed Baby Dyke by appearance with the cunning of a wolf, the playfulness of a dolphin, the steadiness of a mustang horse, and the touch of a hummingbird.

SteathFlirt Butch went home alone – I went home to my partner who is now my legal spouse.

But, that workshop lasted 3 long hours of emotional catharthis of 35 lesbians who were all too broken hearted to realize that they were in a room full of single women who were all interested in learning how to flirt – and every single one of them – wanted to go home with me – and me alone.

But I told them – right at the beginning – I was not available, I had met someone and we were dating, in fact, the pink shirt that I was wearing, wasn’t even mine, I’d been at her house for so many days, I’d run out of my clothes and was now wearing hers.

So every women I flirted with knew one thing – so matter how hot and valuable that I made them them – and I am an expert communicator

People sometimes know to control their little “tells” and some people know how to control their emotions and manage themselves in emotionally challenging situations.

But no one can control their automatic responses to stimulate – especially when it’s as hard and relentless and as focused – so desirable and yet unattainable both at the same time – so as much as I knew that I was turning them on – their sparkling eyes, the breathing, the restless unable to sit anywhere but the edge of their chairs dot dot dot

They all knew because I told them – they were not going to be able to fuck me.

So when the workshop, which was supposed to be an hour long debate – became instead a three hour consciousness raising session for 35 women to have a catharsis….

and it was time to leave….

StealthFlirt Girl came up to me and gave me a bouquet of roses and conceded the match.

She went home alone – and I went with 20 women to a restaurant – so I could watch them put everything I just taught them – into practice.

 

I am not your typical lesbian – sure I U-Hauled in after one date and me and that date were Lesbian Married in 1994 and Canada Common Law Married in 2000.

But the reason I mentioned Quebec and Canada being different than other nations – is that the inclusions of gays and lesbians in common law marriage was an attempt by the Federal Government to avoid the legal battle to give gays and lesbians the right to marry.

So they extended all the legal rights and protection that goes along with being legally married in hopes that Canadian gays and lesbians would stop demanding to be legally recongized specifically in the Charter of Rights – and be content to be included, inter alia – which is Latin and Legalese for “Among Other Things”.

And gays and lesbians are nothing if not Drama Queens.

I mean, seriously, you can’t have thought that heterosexuals came up with that term.

Straight people are so gay – and they don’t even know what it means.

Nothing lame or boring is gay – Same spelling, different pronunciation: lame – that’s gay:

 

So Canada ended up having to legalize marriage for Gays and Lesbians – because the key to Canada is Quebec.

Because Quebec was founded by France and England won Quebec from France and that’s how it became a part of Canada.

A French Colony based in French – Napoleonic Code – Laws with Federal Regcognition of Catholic Church and French Language under a Federally British Government.

There is no common law marriage in Quebec.

Canada’s gay marriage laws are what is binding Canada together as a nation of socially equal individuals because Federal Law is the only common law across the land.

 

LezFlirt!

Hi my dearest of all readers of all my blogs.

I never knew that I was a subject matter flirting expert.

It all happened by accident.

I had joined a social club at my local Gay and Lesbian Centre and got into a debate with another SoftButch who asserted that Stealth Firting was the best kind of flirting.

And I said – if the target does not know you are flirting with her then you are only masterflirting – and it’s not flirting if you’re just playing with yourself.

So the evening that night, turned into a rousing discussion.

Which turned into an organized debate – that was advertised and 35 women came to hear LezFlirt debate StealthFlirt.

Only, Sleathflirt thought that she could top me – so when she arrived at the appointed hour – she said that she didn’t come to debate with word – she wanted a flirt showdown.

And she sat in the corner trying to Stealth Flirt the women in the room and left me to flirt with all 35 women in the room.

So – I had happened to have written down all my flirting tips and created a booklet to upstage her with – and I handed them out and all the women got excited to be given written and clear – easy to follow instructions.

They came to a flirting workshop – after all – the debate was secondary to them.

But I had come to debate – not to flirt – because you you – I had already met the woman that I married – we met in 1994 – and she stalked me and I U-hauled in – our first date was Feb 21, 1994 and I moved in into her apartment on Feb 22, 1994.

We had known each other for 6 months and she knew I was a lesbian and I thought that she was straight. I have never been so happy to have been wrong.

In any case – I was now faced with StealthFlirt in the corner and 35 women who were looking to me – the Expert who Wrote the Workshop Textbook – to teach them how to flirt.

And I blew my whole wad of how to flirt – in the book.

So – the only thing left to discuss – was why weren’t they all out there flirting.

Well, becasue of the Lesbian Sheep Study in New Zealand.

Women – like female sheep – wait for someone, anyone, to make a move.

If said someone is attractive and presents themselves in an endearing or interesting or amusing manner – that demonstrates – hey, this person just might be worth spending time with – if as they say in Hollywood – you are fuckable…

And there’s a saying right now in heterosexual world “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Because flirting is all about communication and I am a subject matter expert – in communication.

Flirting, well, I met and married my lesbian partner in 1994 – in a service performed by the Office Manager of the Vancouver Lesbian Center – during that year’s Gay Pride Parade with both of my parents in attendance.

So when Canadian common law marriage was made inclusive of gays and lesbians – we became entitled to all the same rights and responsibilities as legal civil or legal religious marriage.

And the conservatives and the gays were mostly happy with that arrangement.

Except for Quebec.

You see – Canada is a unique country in many ways – and people can’t understand how Canada – as multicuturally harmonious as we seem – and there’s an unseemly underbelly – because

Okay – the thing about Canadians is that the kind of movies that we make don’t make an impression on the world stage – because of the lack of a co-production treaty with America – the American-Canadian film treaty is actully a service contract.

So Canadian films by treaty law in effect are limited to what’s called “Canada Content” or CanCon.

and that basically limits Canadian filmmakers who can only get government money and there is no private investment in film in Canada – we do what films that we can:

in the words of a now retired Director General of Telefilm Canada – we make Fucked Up Family Films.

 

So – in the finest of Canadian traditions – here’s our Eviliest Family Insider Secret –

South African Apartheid was molded on Canada’s Reservation System.

You see – when Europeans came to Canada – and these Europeans are not my ancestors so they aren’t part of my family – my family hails north of Europe and east of Europe.

My ancestors – Vikings – when they came to Canada – got along very well with the locals until one night, there was a party, drinking – well, things get out of hand and when the party was over – one local was dead and all my Viking ancestors – the terrifying scourge of Europe – took off and just got out of town so fast that there’s almost no archeological remains left to find.

But Icelanders keep extensive records – and with a small population in a harsh climate you have to – be very careful to never marry any cousins – you have to keep the gene pool as wide apart as possible.

Inbreeding causes populations to collapse. And flirting, well, it’s hard to disconnect flirting to breeding. One rather leads to the other.

So the Canadian family secret that I am going to divulge is that South African Apartheid was molded on Canada’s Reservation System the system that was put in place after the genocide of the aboriginal population failed.

The basis for the reservation system was to contain groups in isolation from each other and the mainstream – out of sight, out of mind – you might also be familiar with the older terms “Ghetto” or “Concentration Camp”

You see – what we can know from marketing and advertising – which is nicer words for Propaganda – if you rebrand and rename something – people forget that it’s still the original thing – just in a new legislative package, under new management with new and improved packaging to distract you from it being the same old thing that it always was:

Oppression.

But why mention this in a blog about Flirting?

Because the way that most people flirt is oppressive.

It’s zero sum – all about who’s nailing whom and what and where and how long – it’s exhausting.

Here’s Bridesmaids in 60 seconds to remind every lesbian why they are in fact lesbians:

 

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