Confused in Jersey writes:
Well, I am 19 years old and I love to watch women have sex
and I love looking at their bodies it just turns me on but I have a boyfriend
and I don’t know if I should tell him.
I don’t know if this means I like women or what. I never really thought about being with a woman until my best friend who is like my little sister told me that she was a lesbian 3 years ago.
Now my mind has been wondering. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why but they seem more interesting than a man. please tell me what u think so I can have a better idea on what’s going on. I haven’t told any body about what I am feeling.
The short and dirty answer:
Women turn you on. Does this mean you’re a lesbian? Maybe.
You have a boyfriend. You didn’t say whether he or men in general turn you
on. If he and other men do, you are probably bi.
If he and other men don’t, then you are probably a lesbian.
The more involved reply:
Talk to your lesbian friend, she knows you, knows your boyfriend, your
family, your town, and best of all she’s been through this herself.
Decide what is important to you first – continuing your current relationship OR
exploring your desires for other women.
If you decide that your current relationship is not something that you are not
prepared to lose, then you’ll need to stop processing this.
You get to decide whether or not you want to have sex with another woman – but it’s your boyfriend’s choice whether he stays in the relationship with you while you sort out your feelings.
If you decide that you need to find out if you’ve just got fantasies that are fun
to play in your head during sex or masturbation, or real desires to be with
women; then you also need to talk to your boyfriend.
Remember, sometimes a fantasy can rock your world during sex, but actually acting it out may not be as fun as you fantasized.
He may agree to a break, during which you both see other people, he may
agree to keep seeing you and you can see other women, or he might just
break it off. He’ll be hurt, and angry, maybe curious, maybe he even knows
you’re a lesbian on some deeper level. You’ll need to be prepared for these
I don’t know him, but some men also get violent. You know him
best, I just want you to be careful and safe and aware of the dangers.
And when you talk to him, DO NOT let him pressure you into a menage a trois
(three way) so that you can explore your sexual feelings and it “not be
cheating because you are both there”.
Three ways are very complex negotiations emotionally, and this is about your sexual feelings and not his genetically programmed fantasy. (I don’t know why, but every straight guy I’ve ever known has had the fantasy of him and two girls).
You want your first time to be you and another woman you at least like,
because it’s going to be fun, exhilarating, and a little bit scary, and totally