More often than not, what stops us from approaching people is fear.
While it does sting a bit to be rejected, there isn’t really any reason to be afraid to reach out to connect with another person.
After all, they are not likely to take a swing at you or scream or make a huge scene of it.
It is generally flattering to have someone flirt with you, even if you aren’t available or interested.
The most likely worst case is the person is rude, and if that is the case, then you are better off knowing up front who the jerks in the room are.
Flirting is all trial and error and like most things, it’s a numbers game. You send out enough flirting flags and eventually, someone will salute it.
Think of flirting like a resume – if you’re looking for a job, you don’t send out just one resume.
The Fears That Stop Us
Scared of rejection?
Terrified of being laughed at?
Overwhelmed by perceived inadequacies?
Afraid of being labeled as a sleazebag?
Worried about delivering the goods?
Nervous about diseases?
Your place not tidy enough to bring back company?
Conquering The Fears
What stops us most is ourselves. That little voice in our heads that tells us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, not enough enough.
The little voice is not telling you the truth and it’s not serving you to listen.
Spend an afternoon looking at photos of yourself from 30, 20 or 10 years ago. Remember what you thought of yourself then? Probably how you still think of yourself now.
But looking at the photos, did you look as bad as you thought? No. You will have had good hair days, your fashion sense wasn’t all that off the wall and your body image was more likely off then, and off now.
So, control that little voice and don’t let it control you. Make it tell you that you’re better than you are.
Why not, if the voice is going to lie to you, it may as well tell a lie that makes you feel better.
You are a valuable person with lots to offer.
The women you are going to flirt with are total strangers and, as strangers, their apparent opinion of you shouldn’t matter as much to you as your own opinion matters.
If they can’t recognize that you are someone who is interesting to spend time with, that is their loss. Absolutely.
If they can’t see the value of you when you clearly saw value in them (you flirted with them, didn’t you?), then they did you a favour by rejecting you.
Aren’t you glad you learned early on that they weren’t worth the effort after all?
Get out there and someone who is worth your effort and time.
Join clubs that interest you or that focus on your real hobbies. Take classes on subjects that really interest you.
Clubs and classes are the best place to meet other dykes with similar interests.
Join a political action committee or a community volunteer organization and work to achieve causes that affect you and your life.
That way, you become more rounded, interesting, confident and have even more to offer.
Then, when you see that nervous shy gal looking at you from across the room, you know she’s being too nervous to approach you – and you can change her world with your new found confident, come hither smile.